July 15, 1996
NSA SATELLITE DOWNLINK INTERCEPT
MALE VOICE [identified as: Vice President of the United States]: Hi, Rusty! I'm flying home from Moscow. Can you hear me? [Inaudible.]
VPOTUS: Hello?
FEMALE VOICE [Identified as: Mrs. Gore/Second Lady of the United States]: Al?
VPOTUS: Hi, Tip.
SLOTUS: How did the meeting with Yeltsin go?
VPOTUS: Not so well. He kind of didn't make it. I think he was sick or something.
SLOTUS: Sick? What kind of world leader is so sick that he can't meet the Vice President of the United States?
VPOTUS: I don't know. A sick one, I guess.
SLOTUS: This is a problem. It's a serious loss of face.
VPOTUS: C'mon. It's not like I'm president.
SLOTUS: You never miss an opportunity to remind me of that, do you?
VPOTUS: Tipper!
SLOTUS: Al, go back.
VPOTUS: Back to Moscow?
SLOTUS: No. Back to Ft. Lauderdale. YES BACK TO MOSCOW!
VPOTUS: Keep your voice down. People will hear.
SLOTUS: Al, look at things realistically. Ken Starr is not going to go to the Grand Jury before October, and they won't return indictments until mid-November at the earliest. David Brock's book is going to come out after Labor Day. And Dole's chief strategist seems to be Dr. Kevorkian.
VPOTUS: What's your point, Tip?
SLOTUS: My point is, when you get stood up by a world leader, well, it makes you and the office of the Vice President seem inconsequential. The whole thing reeks of . . . Mondale. Or worse: Bush.
VPOTUS: Tipper, if I may, I'm pretty much regarded as a kind of ``co-president.''
SLOTUS: Wake up and smell the coffee, Al. He doesn't need you to look presidential any more. Somehow, some way, he did it himself.
VPOTUS: Well, that's great news! I'm thrilled! What terrific news! Really! Just terrific!
SLOTUS: He's 27 points ahead of Dole in California.
VPOTUS: [Expletive deleted!]
SLOTUS: Now they want you and me to take a ``power walk'' together on Good Morning America to demonstrate the Surgeon General's new guidelines for exercise.
VPOTUS: Actually, that sounds like fun.
SLOTUS: Al, they don't mean it to be fun. They want to diminish your role. It helps you-know-who look more presidential.
VPOTUS: How do you know this?
SLOTUS: I went to last week's strategy meeting in the Yellow Room.
VPOTUS: You went to a Yellow Room meeting? Wow! Tipper, how did you get in? They don't even let Hillary in those.
SLOTUS: Never mind.
VPOTUS: Tipper -- I demand to know how you talked your way into a closed and very private campaign strategy meeting.
SLOTUS: I didn't talk my way in. And I didn't sneak in. I walked in, Al. I walked straight in.
VPOTUS: What?
SLOTUS: Okay, okay. I was dressed as a maid.
VPOTUS: Honestly, Tipper! Dressing up as a maid! You make me feel like Ricky Ricardo!
SLOTUS: You know, Richard Berke of the New York Times was a lot more grateful for the information than you are.
VPOTUS: Okay, Tipper. What did you hear?
SLOTUS: First, no bus trip after the convention.
VPOTUS: Oh, man! I loved that bus trip!
SLOTUS: Also, you're only allowed a short speech. And you've got to make a lot of attack speeches.
VPOTUS: Who am I? Spiro Agnew?
SLOTUS: That's what I said at the meeting. And then everyone turned and looked at me. And Dick Morris asked my name. I scooted out pretty fast.
VPOTUS: Do you think they recognized you?
SLOTUS: C'mon. It's the White House. You know how lax security is over there. And I snuck back in after the meeting to see if they had left any strategy memos around.
VPOTUS: Had they?
SLOTUS: Hard to tell. Those Clinton people are so messy. Too bad I was dressed as a maid. I had to spend an hour cleaning up after them. Just as I was about to leave, Bill stuck his head into the room. He said ``Tipper?'' I just about died!
VPOTUS: Oh no! What did you do?
SLOTUS: I froze. Then I heard her voice from the hallway. ``Tip her?'' she said. ``Why should we tip any of them?'' And he nodded and shuffled off. Thank God those people are so rough on the help.
VPOTUS: I'm coming home, Tipper. You're getting into too much trouble.
SLOTUS: Then I better get out our power-walking shoes. [Static.] [END INTERCEPT]