Google+
Close
The Couch Needs Therapy; An Early Correction


Text  


Jonah Goldberg

THE COUCH NEEDS THERAPY
First, over eighty five percent of G-File readers with nothing better to do than vote in my stupid online polls, say that not only should I not get rid of my couch — but I should give it its own sporadic column. So yesterday, the couch reviewed NBC’s new, atrocious, series West Wing [Link defunct] — and virtually none of you bothered to read it. You see, I know these things because every morning I go over the web stats for NR Online. I had to lie to my couch and say everybody loved the review. Usually it’s just my incredible girth which literally depresses him. But these days he’s inconsolable.

Advertisement
But what’s even worse is that West Wing was followed by the premiere of NBC’s long-running and once-great series Law and Order. Perhaps it was because the producers didn’t want to be outflanked on the Left; they felt obliged to make their show even sillier and Leftier.

The topic was gun control. A mad, sexist killer shot a bunch of women with a modified assault-rifle thing. But don’t worry, they caught the guy with plenty of time to spare. So they devoted the rest of the program to an endless sermon about the evils of guns, gun manufacturers, gun owners, gun retailers, gun wholesalers, gun associations and words with the letters G, N, and U in their names. The gnu interests groups feel unfairly persecuted, no doubt (time for a Gnu Alliance Party?)

There’s no sense in bothering to review the actual show (but Lenny Brisco’s new partner didn’t exactly light the screen on fire, if that’s what you’re wondering about). The sad truth is that for the last few seasons the producers and writers have been feeling their oats and have been teeing off on all sorts of Left-wing causes. Several people — including the woman — can’t even watch it anymore because it’s so politicized. If you saw last year’s episode dedicated to a sex-crazed prosecutor trying to bring down the government, you know what I’m talking about.

I’m no wing nut on guns. And while I’m getting enough heat from the Buchanan Brigades and I’d hate to open another front, I do think that gun ownership is a right that can be regulated — not abolished, just regulated like any other right. The prevailing view in the media is that conservatives are unwilling to discuss any gun control. To the extent that is true, it’s because gun controllers are uncontrollable. Their aim, it seems clear, is to get rid of guns. If that’s the case, what’s the point of finding a reasonable compromise? I think this is why they don’t care that current laws aren’t being enforced. They simply want to move public opinion to the point of endorsing a full ban.

This makes them willing to indulge in the most moronic arguments.

After last week’s heinous church shooting in Texas, the Gore campaign rejoiced because they felt they had a hot issue. Governor Bush had signed a concealed carry bill which… get this: made-it-legal-to-carry-guns-into-a-church! Don’t you see, George Bush is culpable! Don’t you get it? If that law hadn’t passed, that psychopath would have said, “Golly, I can’t go in there and murder a bunch of innocent people. It’s against the law for me to carry a gun in there. If only they hadn’t passed such a brilliant law! Damn! Now, if I get caught, I could get a hefty fine and a suspended sentence. Confound them!” It wouldn’t occur to him that Moses introduced a law a few years earlier that prohibits the wanton murder of innocent people.

It is the most bizarre confusion. The Left hates the death penalty and they say it is no deterrent. The Left hates mandatory minimum sentences, prison construction, drug laws, and so on. But they love stiff gun control and hate crime laws. How does that work exactly? When James Byrd was horribly dragged to death or when Matthew Shepard was left to die in the cold, the Left feels (not thinks) that a strong hate crime law would have somehow prevented that. But, they say, a hefty death penalty for this obscure crime known as murder is a laughably anachronistic triviality. When some guy takes it upon himself to slaughter people in a church, the first reaction from these people is if only we had stricter gun control laws. But when some drug dealer kills someone … oh, forget it. You know what I mean.

AN EARLY CORRECTION
Coming tomorrow: corrections of course. But let’s get one out of the way now so I can stop the deluge of corrections about an item from yesterday. In yesterday’s G-File I attributed the catch phrase, “Hominah, hominah, hominah,” to Lou Costello. In the past I have been tempted to claim that my mistakes were deliberate attempts to test the attention span of readers. If ever there was a case where’d I’d like to say “I meant to do that” it’s this one. Alas, I will be honest and say this was a mistake. Jackie Gleason was the king of Hominah, hominah, hominah. For some reason I was thinking of that sound that Lou Costello would make when he was scared – like when the lid of Dracula’s coffin opened and he was too scared to call Abbott into the room. My mistake.



Text  


Sign up for free NRO e-mails today:

NRO Polls on LockerDome

Subscribe to National Review