Google+
Close
A Day in The Life
I am not making it up — Hillary really did send me a fundraising letter.


Text  


Jonah Goldberg

Dear Readers,

This has been the worst Monday in a very long time. Bad trip to the doctor — I didn’t get great news and the way he had to discover it required him to put on his prison matron uniform. Then when the bill came, it was like he was doing it again. Anyway, having begun the day singing a few bars of “Moon River,” I got home only to find out that everything technological in my life went — what’s the technical word again? Oh right: kerflooey.

Advertisement
Anyway, below is Friday’s G-File which, for reasons that can be summed up by the phrase “the past is prologue,” did not get posted on Friday. I am not making it up — Hillary Clinton really did send me a fundraising letter. Next thing you know I’ll be getting invites to Sid Blumenthal’s exorcism.

Also, please see further notes to readers at the end.

Friday 4:00 PM.
Mail Call

Hmm, hmm: bill, latest issues of the New Republic, Foxy And Over Forty, and Entertainment Weekly, bill, bill, credit-card application, hmm…what’s this?

The envelope says in large bold numbers:

“They can never stop me from speaking out for my beliefs. They can never deter me from working to help build the kind of future our families need and our children deserve.”

The return address?

“Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

Of course there’s no actual return address, as she hasn’t really had time to get new stationery reflecting her Westchester mansion. Besides, Hillary is really a citizen of the world — Hillary Rodham Clinton is her address — so why limit her to one locale? She walks the Earth like Kane. Actually, Kane walked the Earth not bothering anybody except evil railroad bosses (and Bruce Lee, who conceived of the show, Kung Fu, but was denied the role because of network racism).

And now that I think of it, “citizen” of the world doesn’t quite wash either. If you read her three-page fund-raising letter, you can only conclude that Hillary is a martyr of the world.

Here’s how she begins:

Dear Friend,

They can launch anti-Hillary websites. They can use their limitless war chest to run negative ads. They can publish mean-spirited books and press releases.

But, they can never stop me from standing up for what I believe in. They can never stop me from working to advance the values we share. That’s why I have announced….

On the outside of the letter, we get simply “Hillary Rodham Clinton”; no address, no “Clinton for Senate exploratory committee” or “HRC Headquarters”; Just the lady’s name. Oh, no, wait. That’s not quite right. There’s the “I am victim hear me whine” declaration on the front of the envelope; you know, that “they can never stop me from speaking out…” stuff which would be more appropriate coming out of the mouth of a damsel tied to a rocket in a 1950s underground comic book. Larry Klayman, dressed like Dr. Evil, would be fondling the plunger that would launch Hillary to her doom.

But after we get through all that, in the fourth paragraph, she switches gears. She says of the campaign, “it’s not about me, or my opponent. It’s about the hopes and lives of working families, about health care and education and making sure that … blah blah blah [Insert Clinton-babble boilerplate].

No, this campaign isn’t about Hillary. This campaign has nothing to do with her vindication. She told Talk magazine that she never made an important decision on her own until she ran for the Senate. Is there a male candidate in the known universe who could get away with saying such a thing? Hillary deserves to run because she “cares” and because so many people have been so “mean” to her. What better definition of a modern political martyr than one who suffers for her compassion?

This is, in a nutshell, what I can’t stand about Clinton-style politics. It is the elevation of motive and feelings above facts and clear thinking.

Her husband, for example, mastered the unmanly art of saying “I’ve been working so hard” as an excuse for failure. Can’t you see Bill Clinton as a young child complaining that he doesn’t deserve a B on a test because “he’s been working so hard.”

Who cares how hard he’s working?

What he means is that he’s doing everything right and something or someone other than him is responsible for his shortcomings. In effect, only one side can be good. Bill Clinton wants to make the world better so if you try to stop him you are bad. If you vote against the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty, you are bad because all good people are against nuclear war. If you vote against a liberal black judge, you are a racist, because all people with love in their hearts support black judges. It is the eternally returning pattern of the Clintons’ baby-boomerism.

Which brings us back to this fascinating letter.

After Hillary inserts the thin lunchmeat of her care for the “children,” she gets back to what Hillary lovers really revere about Saint Hillary — her self-pity. “You and I have been through a lot together,” she writes, presumably having overlooked my name on her mail list.

Later, she says, “we can defeat the forces of attack politics and personally negative campaigns” by talking to people etc. But most of all those “forces” can be stopped by “immediately sending as generous a financial donation as you can afford.” (I wonder how long it took her staff to translate that into Mandarin, Tibetan, Bumthangkha, Dzongkha, and Chhokey and distribute it to all of the Buddhist temples.) You see, anybody who disagrees with Hillary must represent the forces of attack politics and personally negative campaigns, because the mere act of opposing Hillary is prima facie evidence of being a negative campaigner. She cares about the children, damn it!

She concludes, “I appreciate your friendship, I look forward to hearing your ideas, and I thank you for your support. Sincerely, Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

Well, that, at least, was dignified.

Oh now wait. She adds: “P.S. If our opponents think their scare tactics are going to drive me away, they are going to find out how wrong they are!”

READER’S NOTE:
Today’s Goldberg File is actually an NR Comment and it is on the Confederate Flag [Link defunct]. It doesn’t really have that G-File tone and die-hard readers will take the time to go there. I’m sure it will generate feedback, so many will talk about it again here.

Also, many readers have asked me to point out links to other stuff I’ve written. Check out my piece in the latest Intellectual Capital [Link defunct] on McCain as Teddy Roosevelt, which is almost as good as my boss’s piece on McCain as Teddy Roosevelt in the print NR.

But most importantly, please check out the rest of the redesigned National Review Online. We got George Will. We got splendiferous Iowa coverage throughout the night from Lowry, Ponnuru, O’Beirne, and Goldberg — sounds like a law firm that looks like America.

And meanwhile please accept my apologies for all the technological kerflooiness.



Text  


Sign up for free NRO e-mails today:

NRO Polls on LockerDome

Subscribe to National Review