Another year, another Christmas season. And what would the season be without a sing-along among family and friends, while the yule log’s a-blazing and the sleigh bells are a-ringing? Here are all your favorites.
I saw Larry groping round the floor Under the partition in the john. I thought: “Boy, what a creep,” But my temper tried to keep; He figured me a willing type For pleasures fast and cheap. Now Larry’s charged with breaking lewdness laws, His future isn’t looking very bright. Is he gay? He tells us no, But from the Senate he’ll have to go Since caught groping round the floor that night.
Here comes Amnesty! Here comes Amnesty! Right down Pandering Lane! Bush and Spitzer, G.O.P. and Democrats, Kennedy and McCain. Driver’s license, college discounts, Tax breaks are your right. All aboard the “diversity” gravy train ‘Cause Amnesty’s coming tonight.
Here comes Amnesty! Here comes Amnesty! Down Reconquista Lane! School for kids and affirmative action, Health care for your pain. Show fake documents, get a green card, O what a beautiful sight! Out of the shadows! Head of the line! ‘Cause Amnesty’s coming tonight!
Ding dong Huckabee on high His poll numbers are soaring! Ding dong Huckabee’s the guy Nobody’s now ignoring! Hu-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, Uck-abee! The hand of God is on him!
Build the welfare state up high! That’s what Christ would have wanted! Regulate and certify, By deficits undaunted! B-i-i-i-i-i, I-i-i-i-i-i, I-i-i-i-i-i, I-i-i-i-i-i, I-i-i-i-i-g, Gov-ernment! Yes — bigger than George Bush’s!
Let the Mexicans come in! Our farmers needs fruit pickers! Purge our nation of all sin! Of cigarettes and liquors! Hu-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, U-u-u-u-u-u, Uck-abee! The Grand Old Party’s death wish!
Said the CIA to SecDef, Do you see what I see? Over in Iran, Sir — but With only moderate confidence — A bomb, a bomb, building in the night, With assistance from Pakistan, Through a guy known as A. Q. Khan.
Said the SecDef to the DIA, Do you hear what I hear? And how high is your confidence? Do you hear what I hear? A bomb, a bomb, Iran will have a bomb, With delivery systems and all — It’s now too late to forestall.
Said the NSA to POTUS, Do you know what I know? In your White House warm, Mister President, Do you know what I know? They’re years behind, in fact the thing’s on hold; No need for action right now. (With confidence moderate to low.)
Said POTUS to the citizens, Listen to what I say: Pray for peace, people everywhere! Listen to what I say: We’re safe from nukes, the Iranians didn’t lie! (So our spooks now certify — With confidence moderate to high.)