About Those Totally Annoying Christian Convert Traitors


Mary Eberstadt

And Bernard Nathanson is just the beginning of Our worst enemies of all, i.e. those converts who also know Science. That Francis Collins of the Genome Project is especially in need of a takedown, in the opinion of this Bright. His argument that sequencing the human genome was what turned him Christian has done more damage to atheism than just about anything else the Dulls have thrown at Us lately. By the way, I notice that apart from one teeny-tiny mention of Collins in Mr. Dawkin’s book, the rest of You have avoided talking about those Scientists who are also religious believers. It’s just a little thing of course. But given the propaganda damage they’ve done, You might want to fix that in forthcoming editions so You’re not accused of ignoring something important!

But enough of this Debbie Downer stuff for now. Let’s look at the Bright side as it were — i.e., what we can do about these traitor cases!

Fortunately, one really inspiring example of how we atheists ought to handle them came to pass just last year. In 2007, a book appeared called There Is A God: How the World’s Most Notorious Atheist Changed His Mind. And this one wasn’t written by just any Dull, but rather by the worst sort imaginable, what You might call a Whittaker Chambers-level traitor to atheism: the unspeakably treacherous Antony Flew.

You Guys know exactly who I’m talking about. Prior to his 2004 declaration that he had turned coat, Flew, according to the dust jacket, was “probably the best-known atheist in the English-speaking world,” whose famous 1950 essay “Theology and Falsification” went on to become “the most widely reprinted philosophical publication of the last half century.” That’s a lot of Bright capital in one strand of DNA. Even so, did the Flew Judas manage to put a dent on Us by turning to the Loser?

No, he did not! And the reason why is that Mr. Dawkins — Alpha, Alpha, Alpha! Grrrr! — saw the proactive way out. He refers in one cool little footnote to what he calls “the over-publicized tergiversation of the philosopher Antony flew, who announced in his old age that he had been converted to belief in some sort of deity…” I have to admit, I admire the boldness of it! Just like I salivated like an Animal over that subsequent New York Times Magazine piece, repeating at much greater length exactly what Mr. Dawkins had implied: that Mr. Flew hadn’t really converted to Christianity! He was just old! Falling to pieces! Doddering! Demographically Unfit! Just out where the buses don’t run!

Yes, that’s what Mr. Mark Oppenheimer wrote (and wrote!) in America’s best-read Sunday magazine in his “The Turning of an Atheist,” which I quote here just a little so You can savor the classiness of the demolition again too:

With the publication of his new book, Flew is once again talking, and this summer I traveled to England to speak with him. But as I discovered, a conversation with him confuses more than it clarifies. With his powers in decline, Antony Flew, a man who devoted his life to rational argument, has become a mere symbol, a trophy in a battle fought by people whose agendas he does not fully understand.

Now that’s what I call a scoop, don’t You Guys?

Of course in the old days, when I myself was a Dull, it would have made my skin crawl to think of stalking an older gentleman to his home and then totally exploiting that opportunity to announce to the world without fear of reproof that he was failing and didn’t know what he was talking about. And predictably enough, Roy Abraham Varghese, Mr. Flew’s Preface writer, did immediately write in to the magazine, like any typical Dull with a sense of decency, to complain about what he called that “contemptible reference.”

But those kind of scruples wouldn’t stop us Brights from scoring a point, would they? Right, Guys? That’s one more thing I love about us! Go, Mr. Oppenheimer go! I bet he’s really, really proud of his work. Even if it was only a beginning, after all. Idea: Let’s make lists of every believer over seventy, and give them to him for more!

GTG for now, Guys. It’s group time in here, not my personal favorite. But first one more piece of good news — that’s gute Nachrichten in our Muttersprache — You’ll all really like my next Letter! It’s about what I call atheism’s Woman problem. And You know what that means — a little more talk about You-know-what!

TTYL, Your Best Friend Forever! (And Yours and Yours and Yours),
A.F. Christian

* Todfeinde means “deadly enemies,” as I just learned in Deutsch today. Told You the Director gave me a Rosetta set! He said it would help me understand what’s happening in here. I sure hope so! Because this is the craziest detox I’ve ever seen.

Editor’s note: Check in Friday for another LOSER LETTER. Read all LOSER LETTERS here.