TO: DAVID AXELROD “OF EVIL,” c/o OBAMA WORLD HEADQUARTERS, a.k.a. the HAWTHORNE HOTEL, CICERO, ILL.
BCC: Sarah Palin, John McCain, John Roberts, Antonin Scalia, Samuel Alito, Clarence Thomas, *&^%BUSH!!!#$#, Karl Rove, National Review
FROM: DAVID KAHANE
RE: Meeting with BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA II a.k.a. BARRY SOETERO aka BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA, JUNIOR, a.k.a. THE TALKING PARROT
PRESENT: Barack Hussein Obama II, Bill Ayers, Bernadine “Thorn” Dohrn, Theodore Gold, Diana Oughton, Terry Robbins, 18 W. 11th Street, Charles Merrill, Kathy “Sausage” Boudin, Cathryn Wilkerson, Chris “Countrywide” Dodd, Barney Frank, Herb Moses, Steve Gobie, Anderson Cooper, Keith Olbermann, Jeff Zucker, Jeff Immelt, Ann Lewis, Andrew Sullivan, Saul Alinsky, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton, Dolly Parton, Annette Bening, Warren Beatty, William Kunstler, Abbie Hoffman, Jerry Rubin, David Dellinger, Tom Hayden, Rennie Davis, John Froines, Lee Weiner, Bobby Seale, Al Capone, Johnny Torrio, Hinky-Dink Kenna, Bathhouse John Coughlin, Richard J. Daley, Richard M. Daley, Bugs Moran, Frank Nitti, Jake “Greasy Thumb” Guzik, Big Bill Thompson, Big Jim Colosimo, Hymie Weiss, Frankie Yale, Anton Cermak, Giuseppe Zangara, Sam Giancana, Judith Eileen Katherine Immoor Campbell Sinatra Exner Kennedy, Jake Lingle, Schemer Drucci, Tony Rezko, Joe Biden, Eliot Ness, Patrick Fitzgerald. And me. Not to mention a 37-mm anti-tank shell, four 12-inch pipe bombs stuffed with dy-no-mite and thirty blasting caps, plus maps of the tunnel networks underneath COLUMBIA COLLEGE, aka the Alma Mater of THE ONE.
LOCATION: Katie’s Restaurant, Wilmington, Del.
Dear Dave (may I call you Dave, from one Dave to another?): the following is a report of our meeting with our Dear Leader and Teacher, Barack Hussein Obama the Second, Junior, et alia, at the no-longer extant Katie’s Restaurant in a crucial, three-electoral-vote state, which Joe Biden currently represents in Congress, and has since 1972, because nobody else wants to. Transcript follows:
BILL AYERS: Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb San Fran…
BERNADINE DOHRN: But what about Castro Street?
BARNEY FRANK: Castwo Street? Castwo Street? Castwo Street? Hwerb? Stweve?
TED GOLD: Thank God we can agree on something. Stop the bombing. Or bomb the stopping. In the meantime: I’m dead, remember?
DIANA OUGHTON: Me, too. But, Ted: fuhgeddaboutdit. Nobody under the age of 95 remembers the Weathermen. Except the people who live in Greenwich Village between Fifth and Sixth Avenues. Or who were stationed at Fort Dix, back in the day.
TERRY ROBBINS: Me three.
18 W. 11th STREET: Me four. Ouch! That new townhouse is really ugly.
CHARLES MERRILL OF MERRILL LYNCH: Hey, that used to be my house!
BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA II: Present!
KATHY BOUDIN: I went to the Little Red School House in Greenwich Village, and drove the U-Haul during the Brinks’s robbery in Nanuet. I’m like, you know, patriotic! And innocent!! And patriotic!!! Dissent, after all, is the highest form of –
CATHRYN WILKERSON: I’m with stupid. And that was my dad’s townhouse. Do you know how much that place was worth? So don’t look at me, O.K.? I could be sitting on millions today if it hadn’t blown up.
BARNEY FRANK: Every year, I run unopposed in Newton, Mass. — the most patriotic congressional district in America. Who needs democracy when one of your ex-boyfriends works for Fannie Mae? Or runs a male-prostitution “escort service” out of your apartment? Who cares if in 1990 I was reprimanded by the House of Representatives, 408-18, for “reflecting discredit upon the House” and, by the way, fixing 33 of Steve Gobie’s parking tickets? Who cares? Not Newton, that’s for sure. God bless America!
STEVE GOBIE: Barney — call me. I’m in the personals.
HERB MOSES: I’m with stupid, too. And, before that, I was with Fannie Mae! After all, “I am the only member of the congressional gay spouse caucus,” as I wrote in the Washington Post in 1991. “On Capitol Hill, Barney always introduces me as his lover.” We gave Barney $40 grand in campaign contributions — no wonder they call us the folks who put the fanny in Fannie Mae!
ANDERSON COOPER, ANDREW SULLIVAN, KEITH OLBERMANN, JEFF ZUCKER, JEFF IMMELT, ANN LEWIS: Not that there’s anything wrong with that!