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Do the Right Thing: Die
From capellini at Orso's to an infinity of darkness.


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Never mind that the Ponzi scheme known as Social Security has lost some 40 million payroll-tax payers since 1973, along with those would-be citizens’ unborn children, not to mention their unborn grandchildren, who patriotically pre-aborted themselves by choosing an aborted forebear. Good-bye, carbon-based life form native-born Americans, hello Third World immigrants. Speaking personally, I like the idea that the guy I pay four bucks an hour to cut my lawn and clean my pool is going to support me for at least 20 years after I retire from the lucrative profession of screenwriting and lunching at Orso’s.

My wingnut friends, if I had any, which I don’t, would surely call modern progressivism a suicide cult. Reduce your standard of living! Walk to work! Install chemical toilets instead of flush johns! Grow your own damn vegetables! But what do they know? In progresso-world–the world of imaginary psychiatric diseases, endless trauma, unreasoning fears and worries, and a confirmed belief that upon our deaths an infinity of darkness will swallow us up–the greatest of all virtues (even greater than Hope!) is Fairness, followed closely by Tolerance. And the worst sin, the dirtiest word in the English language, is Discrimination. We’d rather die than give offense, and, you have to admit, our existence is an offense in itself.

So go ahead and call us a suicide cult. We prefer to think of ourselves as the saviors of the planet, and what better way to save it than by self-immolation (with the appropriate carbon offsets to combat the resulting air pollution)? If and when the Dear Leader and Teacher, the Mahdi, the Expected One, the Quisatz Haderach, orders us to drink the Kool-Aid of Change, then we will proudly belly up to the bar, quaff l’elisir della morte, and, like the Rev. Jim Jones and his followers at Jonestown, lie down and expire in the loving arms of Gaia.

(By the way, did anybody but my sainted father, “Che” Kahane, find it odd that in Sean Penn’s paean to that seminal American hero, Harvey Milk, there was not a single mention of the mass suicide by the adherents of Jones’s San Francisco–based Peoples Temple in Guyana, even though it dominated the news in Baghdad-by-the-Bay for a full week prior to the murder of Milk and Mayor Moscone? Jonestown happened on Nov. 18, 1978; Harvey and George were killed by Dan White on Nov. 27. Unless I missed it, I guess it didn’t fit the narrative.)

After all, as San Fran Nan says, it’s all about reducing cost, so that “part of what we do for children’s health, education, and some of those elements” is just not to have them. Or kill them. Whichever.

You wouldn’t by any chance know a good death cult, would you?

–David Kahane, luckily for him, was not aborted in the womb. If he were, you couldn’t write to him at [email protected]. But he still feels guilty about it.



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