It’s the Credit That Counts
Even if, these days, nobody's got none.


Some people have raised First Amendment issues, which is why the Supes have to sit through a bunch of tedious arguments about a movie that doesn’t have a single sex scene. But, as is well known (as Izvestia used to say), the law applies to anything “susceptible to no reasonable interpretation other than as an appeal to vote for or against a specific candidate.” Why in the world the First Amendment would protect that kind of hate speech is beyond me, and thank the lares and penates that we have a Supreme Court that sees it the same way.

Which gets me back to my new script, the thesis of which is this: Without “W,” there can be no “O.” Without a clear successor to Shrub, the way was made clear for the Messiah. Without TARP there could be no Porkulus, no new budget, nor even a TARP II. Without “illegal wiretapping,” there could be no continuing, responsible electronic surveillance of our nation’s, um, “enemies.” Without Gitmo, there could be no grandstanding debate on when and whether to close it, even as we extend constitutional protections to the men who just admitted/boasted they planned 9/11. Without free pills for old folks, there could be no universal health-care reform; without No Child Left Behind, there could be no College for Everybody. Without the wreck of the economy, there could be no Tax Cheat Geithner, Chairman Cholly, or Chris “Son of Disgraced Tom” Dodd and his undervalued cottage in Connemara.

It’s kismet, I tell you. Which is why, just as I soon as I *.pdf this sucker off to my agent, I’m going to get cracking on a new script: Kismet II: This Time It’s Not Coincidental. (Alexander Borodin, uncredited hip-hop music.) But it is personal.

– David Kahane is taking the rest of the week off to play poker with his screenwriter buddies Joe Gillis, Joe White, and Barton Fink up at Big Bear. Even though his cell phone is off, you can reach him at [email protected].