One of Rahm’s brothers is Ari “Entourage” Emanuel, the head of William Morris Endeavor Entertainment, a former ICM agent who was fired when he and three other ICM agents were caught stealing files out of the agency’s old Wilshire Boulevard offices in the middle of the night. His other brother is bioethicist Ezekiel Emanuel, President Obama’s health-care adviser; according to his official bio at the National Institutes of Health, he is “widely published on the ethics of clinical research, advance care directives, end-of-life issues, euthanasia, the ethics of managed care, and the physician-patient relationship.” I don’t know about you, but I feel better already!
Richard J. “Dixie” Davis (New York senator Charles Schumer) — the Dutchman’s personal mouthpiece and the epitome of the New York City shyster, Dixie was loud, brash, and obnoxious. He helped Dutch muscle his way into the Harlem policy rackets, edging aside gunman Ellsworth “Bumpy” Johnson (Attorney General Eric Holder) and voodoo lady Stephanie St. Clair (Obama adviser Valerie Jarrett); after the Dutchman’s untimely death by lead poisoning in 1935, Dixie took over the rackets himself. Busted a couple of years later, he did a year in jail and got disbarred. With his seats on the Finance, Banking, and Judiciary committees, Senator Schumer is obviously smarter than Dixie Davis, yet he is just as loud and even more obnoxious.Richard J. “Boss” Croker
(Connecticut senator Christopher Dodd
the very incarnation of the Irish panjandrums and poobahs who ran Tammany Hall (motto: “stealing elections for the Democrats since 1797”) from the end of Boss Tweed’s reign through the heyday of sachems “Honest John” Kelly and “Silent Charlie” Murphy. The Irish-born Boss Croker beat a murder rap and rose to become Grand Sachem of the Wigwam on 14th Street, where he happily took bribes from all and sundry, amassed a huge fortune in his little tin box, and eventually retired to his castle in Ireland, one step ahead of the law. Dodd, the “Friend of Angelo,” was recently exonerated by the Senate Ethics Committee (stop laughing) of any hinkiness in his doings with Countrywide Mortgage or just about anything else. Like Boss Croker, Chris may well choose to end his days puttering around his own estate in the Ould Sod, if he knows what’s good for him.
(Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi
) — a fictional character from Prizzi’s Honor,
the femme fatale so memorably portrayed by Anjelica Huston in her daddy’s movie finds a real-life counterpart in Nancy Pelosi (net worth: $19 million). She’s the daughter of “Old Tommy” d’Alesandro, whose “parking garage” connections forced him out of the Maryland gubernatorial race in 1953, and the sister of Franklin D. Roosevelt “Roosey” d’Alesandro, arrested in 1954 along with 15 other youths, as Time
magazine reported at the time, for “taking two girls, ages 13 and 11, on an all night joy ride and keeping them in a furnished flat for a week. He was acquitted of the rape charge, but out of the investigation of this case grew a perjury indictment against 21-year-old Roosey.” Nancy’s mama, Anunciata, got into trouble that same year when she admitted on the witness stand to receiving $11,000 from a contractor named Dominic Piracci, who was convicted of conspiracy to defraud the city. Oddly enough, Piracci’s daughter married Tommy d’Alesandro III, who later followed his father into the Baltimore mayoralty. All in the family!
Jake Lingle (David Axelrod) — the double-dipping Chicago Tribune reporter shot dead in 1930 by one of Al Capone’s minions at the Illinois Central Railroad underpass across from Grant Park. Axelrod, the pride of Stuyvesant Town and the son of a reporter for the old leftist daily PM in New York City — “I got into politics because I believe in idealism,” he has said — began his career on the self-same Tribune, where he rose to City Hall bureau chief and got chummy with Richard M. Daley, the current mayor of Chicago. From there, it was just a short waltz to the other side of the street; in 1984 he went to work for the late senator Paul Simon, then formed Axelrod & Associates, a political consultancy. His client list has included Boss Croker, Ma Barker (Hillary Rodham Clinton), Pretty Boy Floyd (John Edwards), Dopey Benny (Rep. Patrick Kennedy), and Salvatore Maranzano (Andrew Cuomo). Axelrod’s also the man who gave us, however briefly, Gov. Eliot “Client No. 9” Spitzer in New York, Gov. “Cadillac” Deval Patrick in Massachusetts, and the presidency of BO2, for which he is now receiving the thanks of a grateful nation.
Al Capone — one fine day around 1920, a young man of great ambition and an utterly ruthless nature suddenly appeared in Chicago, where he was taken under the wing of the city’s leading South Side thug. Quickly surpassing his mentor, he organized the community, developing productive relationships with union members, employee groups, and Democratic politicians, and treating himself to the best in clothes, transportation, whiskey, and cigars as he burnished his “man of the people” image. There was nothing, it seemed, he could not do . . .
Now — who could that be?
– David Kahane has joined the witness-protection program. If you have further casting suggestions, you can write to him at [email protected] or become one of his friends on Facebook. Just don’t rat him out to the feds.