Rally ’Round the Multi-Culti Flag, Boys
Let’s celebrate diversity by getting rid of it


In Hollywood we have a saying: “We’ve seen this movie before.” I realize you civilians have the same saying, but when we say it, it has an added ring of authority because we are Industry professionals and you are the fannies in the seats. Still, when you get right down to it, maybe we have all seen this movie before. Let’s call it No Way Out II: This Time, It’s Really, Really Personal.

In that movie — itself a re-imagining of The Big Clock, which was more or less about Henry Luce and Time Magazine, although nobody ever admitted it — Kevin Costner played a Russian mole inside the Pentagon, madly burrowing and beetling away as, in the guise of a home-grown naval officer, he seduces the Secretary of Defense’s mistress and steals Amerikkka’s defense secrets. Costner’s Tom Farrell is a character in that great tradition of American heels: the “friend” who’s busy both hollowing you out and selling you out, fitting you for the noose as he pretends to take the measurements for your inseam.

Which brings me to that amazing social equalizer, wealth-spreader, and building-destroyer: multiculturalism, which has been responsible for every cultural advancement and falafel stand north of the Mediterranean since Charles Martel and El Cid fought Osama bin Laden and his Andalusian Moors at the gates of Vienna and thus gave the Western world coffee and croissants. I mean, without multiculturalism, where would we eat?

And yet now you seem to be figuring out the scam. I’m sensing the beginning of a counter-revolution here and I don’t like it one bit.

First you wingnuts get some of your “undercover” minions to entrap perfectly innocent Planned Parenthood patriots — people selflessly dedicated to Margaret Sanger’s noble eugenicist vision of a world without the lame, the halt, the blind, the mentally feeble, and the, um, you know, lesser races — and now you’ve got the vast right-wing Euro-conspiracy of Angela Merkel, David Cameron, and Nicolas Sarkozy. I thought we’d long established the constitutional principle that three generations of imbeciles are enough, especially when we’re talking about conservatives, but all of a sudden you’re back up on your hind legs and barking like a seal.

Can it be that the scales are finally falling from your eyes, and that you’re beginning to see us for what we are, and what we’re really up to, which is nothing less than the deconstruction and destruction of your Judeo-Christianist, “Enlightenment,” Adam-Smith/Invisible Hand market-based “civilization” and its replacement with a top-down government of, by, and for the credentialed elites?

No one, not even an imbecile, would willingly vote for such a thing (unless you count us), so we have to dress it up as a feel-good fantasy, a United Colors of Benetton ad in which social justice prevails and all cultures are equal. You can bet there’d be no place in our world for someone like that Nobel Prize winner, Saul Bellow, who was said to have wondered, “Who is the Tolstoy of the Zulus?” Who cares if he never really said that? He might have thought it, and that was good enough for us to try and shut him up.