Rally ’Round the Multi-Culti Flag, Boys
Let’s celebrate diversity by getting rid of it


Of course, not even we really believe our own fairy tale — not when we live out here in Hollywoodland in our gated communities with our private security services. For us, multi-culti is just a Trojan horse, the way into the inner sanctum, wherein resides both your constitution and your soul. It’s our Tom Farrell, cementing its nice-guy cover story while raiding the larder. And the best part of it is — up to now, you’ve been helpless against it!

Object to the muezzin’s call in Hamtramck? Racist.

Object to the introduction of sharia law in certain immigrant communities? Racist.

Object to the federally funded teaching of Arabic in some Texas schools as a “language of the future”? Racist.

The genius of it was that any and all opposition could be painted as the crude revanchism of a bunch of inbred, stump-toothed reactionaries, congenitally opposed to any kind of change. And you know how we feel about change! Change is always good, especially when it comes to changing you. And if change is good, well then, fundamental change is even better.

Now, alas, you’re beginning to understand what this “fundamental change” mantra was all about, and our only hope is that it’s too late and you’re too stupid to do anything about it. It’s hard for us to accept that you’ve finally twigged to us — after all, you still have prize Stupid Party ex-members in your ranks, ready to detonate their congressional careers like a suicide bomber. Fifty years of philosophical toxicity and unrelenting propaganda has done its work, and you’re like Edmond O’Brien at the beginning of D.O.A., or like Hailee Steinfeld at the end of the Coens’ True Grit: snake-bit, poisoned, and set to lose your arm if not your life.

Like my favorite literary “villain” (next to Iago, of course), Ellsworth Toohey of The Fountainhead, we have posed as your friends for lo these many years. We have “upheld” your Constitution even as we have sapped it; stripped it of its meaning even as we have “interpreted” it; trashed it even as we have exalted it.

As far as “Western Civ” goes, Hussein’s camel’s nose is long since under the tent, and even potential offensiveness can no longer by tolerated by the Tolerant Left: say good-bye not only to your “founding fathers,” but to Mozart and The Magic Flute, to Mark Twain and Huckleberry Finn, to Birth of a Nation and Gone With the Wind. To The Wind and the Lion. To Zulu and Khartoum.

In other words, celebrate diversity by getting rid of it! As they say in another of my favorite movies, Highlander, “There can be only one.”

Of course, that flick was about terminal beheadings. Which has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with our current multicultural conversation.


— Unlike you lot, David Kahane welcomes the New World Order, whatever it turns out to be. You can share your angst at [email protected] or your schadenfreude on Facebook; just look for Rules for Radical Conservatives and get with the program, or else.