Can It, Nancy
Comedian Adam Carolla tells liberals to stop attacking the rich.

Comedian Adam Carolla


And don’t even suggest they aren’t paying their “fair share” — “a ridiculous assertion that Maxine Waters and company are making” in Carolla’s view. Consider a group of ten strangers who share a meal at a restaurant, he offers. If the bill is $500, then each person should contribute $50. Unfortunately, in our tax system, Carolla argues, it’s like one guy ends up paying $425. “Who gives a s*** about the percentage?” he asks. “I take up the same space, my kids go to the same schools, and I use the same roads. Let’s focus on the amount. I just paid $400, and Nancy Pelosi is pointing at me saying, ‘When’s he going to pay his fair share?’”

Carolla’s ideal tax system would function like a casino, “the ultimate level playing field,” he argues, because “they will treat you exactly as you deserve to be treated.”

“You wanna drink [complimentary] drinks? You’re not getting a suite,” Carolla explains. “You wanna come in and spend some money? You get to see Wayne Newton for free.”

“It’s high time,” Carolla concludes for “people making over $250,000 to say: First off, I’m not rich. Second, shut up. And third, why don’t you burn half the calories you are by pointing your finger at me by figuring out how I got rich in the first place?”

Were Carolla to design the tax system, “you should get one vote for every $10,000 you pay in taxes,” he says. “That would make it interesting.” Currently, President Obama “doesn’t give a rat’s a** about who’s rich or who’s poor,” he says. “Somebody just told him: ‘It’s pretty easy: What percentage of people voting make over $250,000 and what percentage of them make less than that?’ Well, 95 percent make under that, so guess what the theme of this speech is going to be? Not how lazy the other 95 percent are.”

“Bill Gates gets one vote, and so does my mom,” Carolla says. “It doesn’t matter how much you put in or how hard you work, you get one vote.” And your neighbor, if he makes less than you, is likely to vote someone into office who promises him your money.

“That’s a wonderful democracy, isn’t it?”

— Brian Bolduc is an editorial associate for National Review.