Though in his own language his name is unpronounceable, in English he is known as Cosmo. Like Bono or Cher, Cosmo requires no last name. Of indeterminate parentage and upbringing, Cosmo is the friendliest of dogs. While he answers to many sounds, he is also known by several street names, including C-Mo, Cosmo the Wonderdog, Cosmo the Underdog, and, of course, Cosmo the Unmerciful (by squirrels and other vermin).

While he is best known for his willingness to live with Jonah Goldberg and Jessica Gavora, we do not know much about Cosmo with any great certainty. He was adopted from the Washington, D.C., Animal Shelter and they claim he is half Australian cattle dog and half yellow Labrador.

We know that he considers squirrels to be the most identifiable incarnation of Jacobin perfidy known to man or beast. In fact, some suspect that Cosmo is a follower of the late political philosopher Leo Strauss, though evidence on this score is scanty. Indeed, since Straussians are rarely inclined to reveal their true political dispositions his very silence on this score is cited by some as evidence of the allegation. Others point to the fact that Cosmo rejects the progressivist and positivist bent of many historians; that he tends to bark at people carrying books by Machiavelli; and the fact that he considers the laws of man useful for keeping others in their place as corroboration of his Straussian tendencies.

Regardless, Cosmo's duties are few and his sense of entitlement knows no bounds. He "helps" NRO Editor Jonah Goldberg with his work from time to time by dropping incredibly slobbery tennis balls in his lap. He kills toy animals without remorse if left alone for more than a few hours and he believes the food of man is the sustenance of dog-kind as well. He barely holds official title with NRO, but he considers all activity to be worthy of his inspection and comment.

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