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Daschle
& Kennedy Call for Abolition of Bathtubs
Washington, D.C. (CNN) — In the wake of the tragic and horrifying
drowning of five children by their mother Andrea Yates in the bathtub
of their Houston home, Democratic Senators Tom Daschle and Ted Kennedy
have called for making home bath tubs illegal. "How many children
have to die before we accept the fact that bath tubs are a major
cause of death in the home," Kennedy said. He cited Consumer Product
Safety Commission data which confirms that bathtubs are now one
of the 5 leading causes of home accidental deaths.
"It may very well be that if this severely depressed mother had
not had ready access to a bathtub, these 5 innocent children might
still be alive today," Kennedy added at the somber Washington press
conference. He was surrounded by representatives from a wide range
of liberal organizations including People for the American Way,
Children's Defense Fund, and Bathtub Control, Inc.
Daschle and Kennedy also called for an immediate doubling of National
Institute of Health funding for post-partum depression. "We've been
ignoring the cries for help of these horribly depressed women for
too long," said National Organization for Women president Patricia
Ireland. Mrs. Yates is "as much a victim as a criminal in this sad
incident," she observed. Ireland also said that this incident only
underscores the fact that America remains a "patriarchal society"
where women are forced to rear children at home "isolated" and without
"any support networks from government or the community." "This situation
where women are imprisoned at home with their children is the worst
possible kind of child-care arrangement for mother and child."
Mrs. Yates made her first public appearance this morning on The
Today Show. In her usual probing, but empathetic manner, Katie
Couric asked: "Mrs. Yates, after you drowned your five children,
how did that make you feel?"
Kennedy and Daschle pledged that they would launch a series of
Senate hearings on bathtub-related deaths, and were greeted by thunderous
applause by many of the consumer-advocate groups in attendance.
People don't drown children, bathtubs do," Ralph Nader noted. "We
intend to do to bathtubs in this decade what we did to Corvairs
in the 1960s: abolish them." Marian Wright Edelman weighed in by
noting that it will do very little good to "get handguns out of
the home, if people still have access to bathtubs that are statistically
about as dangerous."
The American Trial Lawyers Association says that it will set in
motion a $6 billion class-action liability suit against the "rapacious
and irresponsible" bathtub producers for selling these "weapons
of destruction."
Activist groups chimed in that a ban on bathtubs would have collateral
societal benefits. The Sierra Club issued a press release noting
that "bathtubs needlessly waste gallons of water every day" and
that the optimal "green policy" would be for Americans to take showers,
not baths, and preferably not every day."
Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas ridiculed the Daschle-Kennedy bill, saying:
"Rather than just ban bathtubs from homes, why not ban water and
modern plumbing."
Daschle ended the news conference by declaring: "After Andrea Yates
drowned her 5 kids in that bathtub she called 911 and confessed
with great remorse: 'I Killed My Children.' But it wasn't just this
poor tortured mother, but each and every one of us in society who
were co-conspirators in this senseless death and I will work tirelessly
on legislation to make sure that this kind of tragedy never happens
again."
Author's note: After writing this parody, I asked my research assistant
to do a search of commentaries on Ms. Yates monstrous act of filicide.
I was astonished to find that this is hardly even a parody of the
left's reaction to the murders. If you want to be especially sickened,
read Anna Quindlen's rant against society and stress in the current
Newsweek. Her column is so over the top, at the end she
is forced to write as an afterthought: "Don't get me wrong, I'm
not making excuses, for Andrea Yates." Sure.
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