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 ith
Georgia passing legislation to let armed, school-security officers
"address" school bullying, Massachusetts
committing
$1 million to anti-bullying programs, and the intense attention
paid to the supposed plague of school bullying as a cause of recent
school shootings, one would think that adults would focus on giving
children the tools they need to subdue their tormentors. Dream on.
Infected by the one-dimensional cardboard moralism that seeped into
the body politic from the sixties swamp, many of today's adults
positively embrace child-rearing practices guaranteed to produce
bevies of perfectly formed bullies. Driven to protect their little
darlings from the rigors of the real world, these parents then proceed
to harass schools into adopting policies that condone the rotten
behavior that they have encouraged in their unlovely offspring.
Consider the
mental map of the middle-school bully who disrupted a group ski
lesson on a school trip early this year. Setting a fine example
for the younger children, the selfish brat refused to do the exercises
specified by the instructor unless she explained to his satisfaction
how they might help his skiing. Having neither the time nor the
inclination to make everyone else wait while this young barbarian
attempted to absorb a lecture on elementary physics, the instructor
barred the child from returning to class after lunch.
In high dudgeon,
his mother ordered him to apologize. The boy refused, saying that
he would not violate his strongly held principles. If ever there
was a time to demonstrate why God made parents larger than children,
this was it.
In public,
at least, his mother backed down. Perhaps she, like so many others,
is a victim of the pop culture that values sticking to one's principles
above all else without bothering much about such banalities as whether
the principles in question are worth defending. Untrained in real
morality, such people lack the intellectual conviction necessary
to convince cocksure youngsters that their principles need immediate
realignment. Besides, facing down one's children is difficult and
time consuming. It's easier all around to rationalize their thuggish
positions.
Like the bullies
who animate the U.S. culture wars, this boy has discovered the magic
combination of threats and self-righteousness that is the key to
imposing his will on others. In school as in adulthood, the threats
run the gamut from promises of hurt feelings, to promises of bodily
harm. Some school bullies are satisfied with emotional manipulation.
Mocking other kids and calling them names is a time-honored method
of domination because making others feel bad might make them cry,
and kids who cry can be embarrassed. Along with name-calling, bullies
pinch or punch other kids when the teacher isn't looking, step on
feet or hands at recess, steal personal items, and violate personal
space.
When it comes
to name-calling, the best response is often no response. After a
couple of months of name-calling fails to produce the desired result,
bullies often move on to softer targets. To get them to move on,
the victim has to first examine his conscience to determine whether
there is any truth in their remarks. Finding none, he can be sustained
by an intellectual conviction that anyone who would say such things
simply to cause hurt does not deserve the company of decent people.
Finally, he must practice ignoring his hurt feelings in order to
deny the bullies the satisfaction of a response.
Unfortunately,
schools and parents often do their utmost to undermine the intellectual
convictions that kids need to carry out such a plan. Educators put
so much emphasis on students' feelings that they are more likely
to ask how students feel about an equation than whether they can
solve it. In this atmosphere, kids grow up thinking that their feelings
are the most important things in the world. And so many people have
been cowed by the diversity bullies that far too many shrink in
horror from defining decency, much less using it as a basis for
being judgmental, the blackest of all sixties sins.
People more
concerned with teaching their child to face the real world will
help him to understand that mastering his feelings is a source of
strength. They will also teach him to use this mastery against those
who would hurt him. Helping kids see the truth in the old saying,
"sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never harm
me" is a good start. An introduction to the real harm that
can be done by words in the mouths of people intent on the politics
of personal destruction can safely be delayed until they are old
enough to run for office.
In fact, parents
do positive harm when they support zero-tolerance policies and reflexively
demand disciplinary action against Attila the Hun Jr., whenever
their son, St. John, claims, "Attila called me a dummy and
hurt my feelings." With his parents always at his side calling
on school officials for help whenever he feels injured, Johnny never
will develop his own shield against the slings and arrows of outrageous
playmates.
If Johnny's
parents are also members of the cult that distributes the "believe
the children" bumper stickers, he is in real trouble. Many
of these folks substitute reading pop-psychology books about children
for spending time with them, and are way too naïve to be in
charge of the real thing. They literally have no idea that Johnny
may very well have forgotten to mention that he called Attila a
dummy first, and will support their child, no matter what, in involving
every other adult in his orbit in a time-wasting, acrimonious, series
of claims and counter claims.
Rather than run to school authorities, perhaps they might simply
ask Johnny whether he really is a dummy. If Johnny answers it with
a resounding "No!" then it quickly becomes clear just
who the dummy is. Add a continuing series of lecture/demonstrations
of how a superior smile and a smug silence can make the in-group
feel out, and Johnny is well on his way to winning the playground
wars.
The blanket
condemnations of violence that mindlessly lump self-defense with
aggression are also harmful because they produce a ready-made group
of victims. In one case, two mothers were comparing notes on the
actions of a group of girls who were picking on their daughters.
The first mother said that the school was generally doing a good
job of containing the bullies, but that now she would have to write
a note because their tactics had changed and they were crawling
under the bathroom stall doors while her daughter was going to the
bathroom. The second mother laughed and said that if it was her
daughter she'd advise her to put her foot on the first hand that
appeared under the door, apply a little pressure and say, in a loud
voice, "Oh, is that your hand? I'm so sorry; I never expected
it to be there! Really, I am so sorry …".
"Oh,"
admonished the first mom, "I could never counsel my child to
use violence."
One part of
the modern Zeitgeist produces bullies. Another produces unarmed
victims. Given that an armed society is a polite society, is it
any wonder that American schools resemble war zones?
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