Let Me Tell You Why I’m a World-Historical Figure

by Jason Lee Steorts

“Maybe I have liberated us to actually let women be human beings in public,” Hillary Clinton said in reference to her weepy-weepy moment in New Hampshire.  Ah, so that’s what happened.  It wasn’t that a normal homo sapiens let her emotions get the better of her, being tired and sad and afraid she’d lose an election.  No, no.  This was a public service.  A milestone on the road to gender equality.  Let the village celebrate.

(Because, you know, we used to stone women who cried in public.  That’s why all those feminists fought for the right to seem fragile and emotionally delicate.) 

Anyone who talks about trivial moments in his life as though they should be documented in history books is (a) a clown, (b) a megalomaniac, or (c) a cynic.  Hillary takes herself too seriously for (a), and I think she might actually believe what she said.  So I’m choosing (b).

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