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New Pet Report (Toby Derbyshire)



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Pretty well settled in here. The new pets are fine — a bit excitable and fussy, but I’m sure they’ll calm down. They seem to have been trained already, so at least that’s not a problem. I have them spooked with the no-barking business. One day soon, when they’re all sitting round watching that stupid box — the one that gives out no interesting smells at all — I shall have a fit of barking, just to see the expressions on their faces.

Neighborhood very nice, I have the territory marked up already. There’s a big ol’ mean-looking Dalmatian down the block you wouldn’t want to trade conclusions with, but they’ve got him behind one of those invisible Fido Fences, with the buzzer on his collar, so I can taunt the heck out of him as we go past on walkies, make the dumb mutt give himself shocks. How much fun is that!? Harf! Harf! Harf! Local squirrels a bit cocky, seem to have been having things their own way for a while, need to learn who’s boss. I can take care of that sucker, no problem. Looks like I landed on my paws here. Life is good.



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