How to Speed-up the Confirmation Process

by Denis Boyles

Put Ryanair’s brilliant Michael O’Leary in charge of the hearing-room furniture.

According to today’s Telegraph, he’s looking into flying people around on his planes strapped to “vertical seats,” which appear to be cushioned posts. “Vertical seats” are to passenger seats as “sitting beds” are to chairs in quarterly sales and marketing meetings.

O’Leary also wants to put a coin slot on the toilet doors. Bless him. The paid-toilet business is a vicious psychological ploy, a cruel hoax. As soon as somebody tells you you cannot go to the toilet for at least 43 minutes, your brain becomes a rain forest and water fills all your thoughts. You’d pay anything, thinks O’Leary. But I remember Greg Gutfeld once proved to the readers of Men’s Health that a normal guy (well, okay, a normal Gutfeld) could live a rich and rewarding life even while toting a full bladder for hours and hours (like eight or more? I don’t remember) without actually causing injury. It’s all in the head, as they say.

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