“NFL Season Seems to be Building Toward Some Sort of Climax”

by Jonah Goldberg

From The Onion:

NEW YORK—Though fewer and fewer games are being held each weekend, sources confirmed Thursday that anticipation and tension throughout the NFL seems to be gradually increasing, and the entire 2010-2011 season appears to be building toward some sort of momentous climax.

“Traditionally, there are 13 to 16 professional football games played on any given weekend, but last week there were only four,” AP football analyst Larry Lage said. “That’s right, four. And, perhaps more telling, the general consensus seems to be that those games were markedly more intense than usual, as if there were more at stake. Clearly, something big is looming on the NFL’s horizon, but I can’t put my finger on exactly what that is.”

“I think it all must be leading up to some sort of ultimate NFL extravaganza,” Lage added. “And I feel like it’s going to be on top of us before we know it.”

According to sources, a sort of “win or go home” mentality began consuming the league and its players just after New Year’s, with Jan. 2 marking the last time that all NFL teams played. The following week, the league shifted to the four-game format, and teams who seemed to have not performed as well throughout the year did not play, leaving many to wonder if their seasons were completely finished or if they would eventually be coming back for some sort of season-ending grand finale.