Cosmo Mysteries

by Jonah Goldberg

As Cosmo the Wonderdog moves into his elder statesman years, he’s becoming ever more inscrutable. He’s always been a bit strange about food. For instance, he’s never liked bacon. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s really not a kosher thing. He likes ham and other pork products but he’s never eaten bacon. He received a formal censure from the local canine union for this heresy, but he doesn’t care (he’s with Scott Walker, if you know what I mean). Weirder still, when you throw him a treat, he will dodge it rather than catch it. But only for the first one. Once he’s tasted the treat on his terms and satisfied himself that we aren’t trying to poison him with a piece of skinless chicken breast, he’ll catch future pieces quite dexterously.

Or at least that’s the way it used to be. Of late, he simply will not catch food from us at the dinner table. It’s not an eyesight thing. And it’s not a lack of hunger. After he dodges an incoming piece of steak, or lets it bounce off his forehead, he will eat it. We can’t figure out where this new low in trust comes from.