It’s Still an Honor Not To Be Nominated, Again

by David Kahane

I’ve got a great idea: Let’s turn every movie into a computer-generated musical! Okay, let’s not and say we did.

  • Anne Hathaway has the poise and beauty of real, honest-to-Gaia movie star. There, I said it.  So sue me.
  • Anne, I’ll be at Il Pastaio in Beverly Hills after the show. Don’t worry, I’ll recognize you.
  • Inside Job wins the Documentary Feature. About time those Wall Street crooks got what’s coming to them. In this case, an Oscar.
  • Billy Crystal, you look mahhvelous! The pro from Dover is back!
  • Sherlock and Doctor Watson presenting Visual Effects and Film Editing — Jude Law gets off a zinger. Downey, the best actor on the planet, has a snappy comeback. Inception wins again, for Effects. I still don’t know what it’s about, but I really, really, really like Chris Nolan.
  • Film Editing — The Social Network again. Aaron Sorkin’s quote just went way up.
  • Best Songs always suck, but Jennifer Hudson is smokin’ hot.
  • Why do gorgeous, talented actresses like Anne and Gwyneth Paltrow really want to be pop singers? I mean, I don’t really want to direct. Do I?
  • Randy Newman wins! He’s the Rick Baker of Best Original Song!

The “I See Dead People” segment is coming up!  Running out to the Boulevard to check if they’ve put my star on the sidewalk yet.  Back in a flash.

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