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Cosmopolistan



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Great opening sentences:

Al-Qaeda has launched a women’s magazine that mixes beauty and fashion tips with advice on suicide bombings.

Seriously. What else is in there?

Readers are told it is their duty to raise children to be mujahideen ready for jihad.

And the ‘beauty column’ instructs women to stay indoors with their faces covered to keep a ‘clear complexion’.

They should ‘not go out except when necessary’.

You can have it all! It’s like Cosmo for Waziristan.

Still, what with the collapse of American newspapering, I thought I might as well submit a possible cover story, “Ten Ways To Drive Him Wild In The Bedroom”:

Number One: Say “Darling, I thought I’d borrow the car today.”

The magazine is delivered to your house shrink-wrapped, just like the women.



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