In Memoriam

by John Derbyshire

Britain’s Poet Laureate, the ineffable E.J. Thribb, has produced some memorial verses.

So.
Farewell then
Osama bin Laden.

Your death
Sends a lesson
To evildoers everywhere.

So here
(I think)
Is the lesson:

Do bad stuff to us
And you can be certain
We shall not rest

Until we’ve lost
Thousands of guys;
Spent
Trillions of dollars;

Patted down
Six-year-olds
And their grannies;
And made
Everyone take off his shoes,

And allowed you,
Mr bin Laden

(Or is it just
Mr Laden?
I’ve never been sure
And now I guess
It doesn’t matter)

Absolutely no more
Than ten years’ living
In a luxury flat —

Protected by
The military of
Our key ally.

And now
I’ll never know
If you moussed your beard
Like Keith’s Mum says.

    — E.J. Thribb (17½)