“A man works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done,” my mother used to mutter under her breath while sweeping beneath the dinner table or vacuuming.
A new study has confirmed the stereotype that women do more around the house. In fact, the lead author of the study, Darby Saxbe, reported that wives typically do around twice as much housework as their husbands.
Not surprisingly, men are just fine with this. While wives’ stress levels drop when their husbands pitch in with the dishes or laundry, husbands are most peaceful when they kick back while wives tidy up.
Of course, we needed a study to demonstrate that about as much as we needed Haley Reinhart’s stage fall to convince us that four-inch heels are bad for balance.
What do we do with this information? It’s simply not news that people are more relaxed when others are doing the work. One snarky comment under this study said the headline could’ve been “Wives Relax Best When Their Husbands Do All the Housework,” except that it’s never ever happened in the history of marriage.
However, don’t go burn your bra on the front yard — your husband will only ask you to mulch around the begonias while you’re out there. Instead, take a moment to answer some perspective-enhancing questions.
Do you have running water? Clothes you didn’t sew? A refrigerator that doesn’t run on hand-hewn ice blocks? A vacuum cleaner? A dishwasher, microwave, air conditioning? Did you spend less then three days ironing this week?
Chances are, your mother might have even accused you of acting like “a chicken with its head cut off.” On more than one occasion, my mother would follow up on the chicken accusation with, “If you don’t stop, I’ll wring your neck.” This hyperbolic — yet effective — threat referred to the way dinner preparation used to begin.
Still want to complain about cleaning up after a meal by sticking dishes into an electric box that washes it for you?
Ladies, let’s don’t let this ridiculous, unnecessary study send us into finger-wagging resentment. Rather, let’s celebrate the fact that we have it so much better than moms who came before us — thanks in large part to inventions made . . . by men.
— Nancy French is the author of the upcoming Home and Away: A Story of Family in a Time of War and can be followed on Facebook here.
"A new study has confirmed the stereotype that women do more around the house. In fact, the lead author of the study, Darby Saxbe, reported that wives typically do around twice as much housework as their husbands."
For the most part, women do a better job of such things than many men. It makes sense for the better-at-household-management party to carry out the household management. Part of my husband's job, for instance, is thinking and reading. I'd rather he do that than do the dishes.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseThere are still a lot more stay at home moms than there are stay at home dads. Did the study adjust for this?
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseAt the risk of betraying my sisters, I suspect that ONE reason men feel more relaxed when they aren't helping with the chores is the propensity of women to criticize the way said chores are done.
I would never ask my man to do laundry (for example) for the simple reason that I KNOW the way he'd do it would drive me crazy. He is free, however, to run a vacuum cleaner or dust - chores about which I feel a lot less compulsive and which he actually doesn't mind doing.
If you want help, you have to let him do it his way.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseThere is an easy solution, for any woman who finds such sharing of tasks non-egalitarian:
Refuse to clean. He'll get tired of skid marks in his underwear by day 3.
Refuse to cook. He'll get tired of baloney by month 5. (Actually, most men I know are WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY better cooks than their better halves, but that's another issue!)
Refuse to _______. :)
Again, ONLY if EQUALITY really matters!
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseI would like to know if the women were working outside the house in this study. My wife works outside the home she mainly does the laundry and telling me what goes togther when I dress. (A man has got to know his limitations.) However I do a majority of the cooking, cleaning and outdoor work.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseMany of these surveys don't include yard work in their list of "household chores". Did this survey do that? This weekend I'm getting ready to replace the tub surround in our bathroom. In a solid majority of families, such chores are still done by the men. (though I've met quite a few women who know how to swing a hammer. And not just at the men folk.)
I'm just saying that real life is often a lot more complicated than these surveys make them out to be.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseNever happened in the history of marriage? I hope you don't seriously believe that.
Most of these studies are poorly constructed, and clearly serve to frame the data to reinforce the conception of oppressed women, but you can point that out without belittling men who /do/ perform "women's work".
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseI agree with the posters regarding yard work and repairs. If they weren't included in the study, it is clearly flawed. I do all of the outside work at our house. All the mowing, edging, trimming shrubs, weeding flower beds, trimming trees, raking leaves, cleaning the pool, cleaning out the gutters, etc. Also, I do all the minor house repairs that I am able to do without calling a pro. I spend more time doing these than my wife does doing housework.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseMe thinks you're not going to win a lot of friends with those comments. Well, maybe men(real) and some women who aren't wired too tight.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseAbout the most tense I get around the house is when she's cleaning, and I'm kicking back. Just doesn't work. Her brother said it best, before we were married: "When I clean the house, I clean the house. When you clean the house, you clean the house. When SHE cleans the house, EVERYBODY cleans the house!" :)
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseOf course, every survey like this I've ever read about has *also* said that when you add up paid and unpaid work, men do more. Just saying.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseThe biggest "problem" is that men just don't CARE about many of the tasks women consider important.
Single John probably makes his bed once in a blue moon, while single Marsha probably makes her bed every day. That tells you just how important the chore is to each gender. After John and Marsha get married, SHE'LL probably make the bed every day, which will "prove" that lazy men aren't doing their share around the house.
Marsha will say, "Why isn't my husband making the bed 50% of the time?" John will reply, "Why are YOU doing it at all? If company isn't coming over, what difference does it make?"
If Marsha thinks her house should look like Martha Stewart's, while John figures doesn't mind a little clutter or dust, should we be castigating John? Or telling Marsha to lighten up?
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseWhen I worked full-time, I expected my husband to pitch in quite a bit around the house. Fair's fair. When we started having kids and I became a full-time homemaker, I expected him to provide for us and I would take care of the rest. Fair's fair.
I know how fortunate I am to be able to stay at home with our children. The least I can do is provide a clean house and a hot meal for my husband after he's been out slaying dragons all day.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseWhen I was married I worked all day then came home and cleaned, cooked, did the laundry, bathed the kids and put them to bed all while the hubby played video games and watched tv. I wasn't a happy camper (too exhausted). Little did I know that instead of complaining, I should've just been thankful that some man had invented machines so that instead of spending 8 hours each day doing chores (after working all day) I only had to spend 6 hours. Did I mention I'm no longer married? I'm also no longer exhausted.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseAnother question to ask is how much more time cleaning do women who live alone spend then men who live alone. I don't remember the source, but the figure is about twice as much. Why would that ratio change just because of marriage? Women, generally prefer a cleaner house.
Reply to this commentLinkReport Abuse"One snarky comment under this study said the headline could’ve been “Wives Relax Best When Their Husbands Do All the Housework,” except that it’s never ever happened in the history of marriage."
But was has happened in the history of marriage, especially in the affluent West, is that there are wives that relax and relax while their husbands work to support them - and then those sole- breadwinners often die early. Don't let today's norm of the two-earner household blind us to the fact that such households do exist, and are far more numerous than a marriage where the sole breadwinner is the woman.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseActually, the dishwasher was invented by a woman, not because she was tired of doing the dishes, but because she was a woman of some society and she was tired of the hired help breaking all her good china.
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseIn my family, we try to shoot for husband and wife having approximately the same amount of free time. Or at least everyone having (or feeling like they have) "enough" down time, if there is such a beast.
That is a lot easier to keep track of than who does more what around the where.
(today's catpcha: "carpe diem")
Reply to this commentLinkReport Abuse"O woman, lovely woman! Nature made thee to temper man; we had been brutes without you. Angels are painted fair, to look like you; there is in you all that we believe of heaven -- amazing brightness, purity, and truth, eternal joy, and everlasting love" (Otway).
Great article, Nancy French! Yes, let's be grateful for all we have, and quit complaining about what we don't have. We have more sunrises than cyclones in our lives!
Reply to this commentLinkReport AbuseEvery time a study like this one is published, the same set of (valid) responses results: Men do more of the outdoor work and repair work; men do more total (job + non-job) work; women do housework that men find unnecessary, or that women insist on doing to a higher standard; and, as Nancy French points out, the lives of men and women have been improved by labor-saving devices invented by men. None of this, however, will prevent another study being released in a year or two, demonstrating that women are oppressed by their lazy and uncaring men.
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