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‘Sugar Coated Satan Sandwiches’ — A Dissent

While of course I will make reference to the term — it’s news, baby! — I don’t think the phrase is as great as everybody else seems to. You don’t eat Satan, and you don’t coat sandwiches with sugar. I like colorful phrases as much as the next guy, particularly if the next guy likes them a lot, but I think they should have an internal consistency to really work. I’ve been trying to come up with an alternative, but so far they have other problems, too much explanation required, not enough alliteration, etc. Still, a few meager attempts:

Lucifer’s lunch bucket, once you open it, all Hell breaks loose.

Mephistopheles’ M&Ms: candy coating on the outside damnation on the inside.

Pernicious Peanut Butter Cups, tasty chocolate on the without, agony within.

A Satanic Transvestite: looks good until you see what’s under the clothes.

Etc.

Maybe the commenters can come up with something better.

New on The Corner. . .


COMMENTS   54

EXPAND  

   08/01/11 10:33

How about the old standby, A 'Nothing Burger?'

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   08/01/11 10:38

I think the reference you're looking for is from 'Spinal Tap'. I also doubt it would get past the comment filter...

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   08/01/11 11:09

"And for your album, 'Shark Sandwich,' there was just this two word review..."

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Dale W
   08/01/11 10:38

A happy meal with an extra toy

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   08/01/11 10:39

Jonah, I am really surprised that you of all people don't know that the Monte Cristo is often topped in powdered sugar. In fact, that is the only thing I miss from now defunct Bennigan's.

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   08/01/11 10:47

Mephisto's Monte Cristos: Alliteration and a rhyme.

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   08/01/11 10:39

It's a cod oil special: nasty, but good for you.

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   08/01/11 10:39

Satan's golf course: plenty of green, but no balls.

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David Porter
   08/01/11 10:40

Beelzebub's Baklava - Layers of compromise, soaked in sticky situation and coated with a debty crumble

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   08/01/11 10:42

Since we seem to be on a religious kick.... candy coated condemnation. Not really sure what that means but its better than sugar coated satan sandwiches...

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4catsNcounting
   08/01/11 10:43

Beelzebub's Potluck - smells awesome cooking, but when you open the lid, you swear you see hoof and snout in there.

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   08/01/11 10:42

My former boss's favorite: "Cream of nothing."

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   08/01/11 10:46

Loser Loaf: Ground up hope, leavened with empty rhetoric, seasoned with bitter tears.

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   08/01/11 10:47

I must dissent from your dissent. The phrase "a sugar-coated Satan sandwich" is good precisely because it is so dumb, so over-the-top bizarre, and so head-scratchingly inane that it causes people everywhere to stop whatever they are doing and think: "Congress has people this idiotic in it?" And that's a good thing.

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   08/01/11 10:49

I don't know, Jonah - if you can eat a Hero or drink a Shirley Temple, I think you can probably eat a Satan, too.

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Hmastercylinder
   08/01/11 10:51

Well, seeing as the quotee in question is a member of the Congressional Black Caucus, how can you possibly ask that the statement make any sense at all? A typical public comment from one of its members involves putting their mouth in gear and letting random words spill out, making sure that they come up with at least a dozen race-baiting, emotionally charged, inflammatory words somewhere in there to appear like they are helping their constituencies.
The next insightful (as opposed to inciteful)words that I hear from a CBC member will be the first. In this case, I suppose fatigue and stupidity affected his choice of derogatory demagoguery. I'm sure he'll do much better, next time.

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 DrJ
   08/01/11 11:35

Hmastercylinder: I don't mean to sound picky, or superior, but quotee should be quoter.

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Sam MacD
   08/01/11 10:52

It's OK that you don't eat Satan. That's why it's surprisingly bad and awful to find him in a sandwich. You don't eat knuckles, but that's exactly why "knuckle sandwich" works. The problem, as you have correctly identified, is "sugar coated." We are expected to believe that we got a bad deal that someone gussied up to make more palatable. But sugar makes sandwiches LESS palatable. So the more proper turn of phrase could still use "Satan Sandwich," but needs a better way to talk about the gussying. Like maybe a Satan Sandwich with extra cheese. Or a Satan Sandwich with a small side of tax-cut slaw. Or free small iced tea with every Satan Sandwich ordered.

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Larry Kaufmann
   08/01/11 11:03

A "Scratch" and Sniff Snack: It reeks of damnation

(I'm on familiar terms with the Prince of Darkness, and always just call him Scratch)

BTW, if I ever saw Beelzebub's Baklava on a menu, I'd buy it, and be prepared for the consequences.

So speaketh the Productivity Guy!

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Larry Kaufmann
   08/01/11 11:04

A "Scratch" and Sniff Snack: It reeks of damnation

(I'm on familiar terms with the Prince of Darkness, and always just call him Scratch)

BTW, if I ever saw Beelzebub's Baklava on a menu, I'd buy it, and be prepared for the consequences.

So speaketh the Productivity Guy!

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