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Can You Tell Me How to Get, How to Get to the ‘Gay-borhood’?



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Bert and Ernie are not going to get married.

You didn’t realize they were gay?

Well, they are men who live together, have effeminate characteristics, and bicker.

What? We aren’t supposed to categorize homosexuals based on stereotype?

That’s because you, dear reader, are a conservative. Your rash generalizations, prove your obvious bigotry. When liberals do it, they are being progressive and provocative.

But there was more than just stereotype to the Bert-and-Ernie-Are-Gay conspiracy. “Ever notice how similar my hair is to Mr. T’s?” Bert once Tweeted. “The only difference is mine is a little more ‘mo,’ a little less ‘hawk.’” This was timed to coincide with the release of The A-Team, but some gay rights advocates believed this was Bert’s “coming out” tweet. 

“Mo,” you see can be read as short for “homo.”

What do you mean we aren’t supposed to have derogatory nicknames for this demographic? Pay attention. Observers claimed that “mo” is short for “homo” which is short for “homosexual,” which we’re not supposed to use anyway because it’s the new “n word.” The correct way to phrase it, we are scolded, is to call it the GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender) community. 

Nevertheless, liberals made the “mo” observation, so the fact that they claimed this was a sly “outing” is perfectly acceptable. Then, they created an online petition asking Sesame Street to finally let the couple wed.

“We have started a petition to Sesame Street and PBS Kids asking them to allow Bert and Ernie to get married on the show. If done tastefully, this would greatly help put an end to the bullying and suicides of LGBT youth. Sesame Street should recognize that there are LGBT relationships, families, and include them in their show,” the Facebook page read. “Help us make a difference and teach tolerance and acceptance.”

Eight thousand people joined this group, garnering so much media attention that the producers finally addressed it.

“[Ernie and Bert] were created to teach preschoolers that people can be good friends with those who are very different from themselves. Even though they are identified as male characters and possess many human traits and characteristics (as most Sesame Street Muppets do), they remain puppets, and do not have a sexual orientation.”

Miss Piggy and Kermit were not available for comment.

So, if Bert and Ernie aren’t gay, then why are so many people writing about it and discussing it at playgroups? Because the media pays attention to any story-line that could possibly make you think homosexuality is more mainstream than it is. After all, the petition to keep the Ground Zero Cross as a part of the 9/11 memorial has 80,000 signatories, ten times the number of people who think Bert’s a little too fastidious for heterosexuality. Yet the mainstream media doesn’t cover that petition at all.

“Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?” As we talk about Ernie and Bert’s sexual orientation in playgroups and around water coolers across America, it’s obvious that the gay rights advocates know how to get to Main Street.



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