Homeward Bound

by Jonah Goldberg

So that’s it. Daddy-Daughter adventure comes to an end today. We’re leaving the Kalahari Water Park and Resort this morning and heading home — that is, if malevolent forces don’t stop us. A few days ago, I woke up in Colorado where a few hundreds miles to the south an historic earthquake just missed us. Then we started driving for Washington, D.C. A few hours in, I got a call from my wife saying D.C. was just hit by an even more abnormal earthquake. Now, as we get ready to drive the last 400 miles to home (a trifle given our peregrinations on this trip), word is that a hurricane is barreling toward our destination. Until the switch to hurricanes, it felt like Eric Bogosian was taking potshots with his earthquake-ray orbital satellite, as depicted in the fairly awful Under Siege 2: Dark Territory. Now it feels more like Sean Connery is coming after us with his weather machine in the unfairly even more awful 1998 movie adaptation of The Avengers.

It’s been a good trip (I’d hoped to chronicle it all in the G-File, but events got in the way — it’ll start back up next week). Here are just some of the things Lucy’s done on this trip: Zip-lining, her first loop-de-loop roller coaster, rope courses, bungee jumping, water slides, gondola rides, alpine sliding, water slides, water slides, indoor surfing, swimming in hot springs, climbing rock walls, had her talk radio debut, attended her first rodeo (in which she got to chase a calf), her first mechanical bull ride, and her first experience in one of these things:


Plus there were a lot of laughs, a few tears, and way too many cheeseburgers.

You know how on bronze statues, the part you rub for luck gets shinier while the rest grows dark with age? I’m hoping this trip will work the same way for Lucy. There were intolerably long drives and the occasional meltdown. But there were a lot of really good times too. Right now those good times mostly involve water slides and zip lines and the like. But hopefully, over time, the thrill of those things will fade a bit, too, and what will really shine will be the time with Dad. I hope those are the memories she rubs for if not luck, then something more valuable, as she gets older.

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