I’m serious. Close it. As CNS News reported, $762,372 of your money was spent — under the stimulus, of course — by the National Science Foundation to study . . . interpretive dance. Here’s Recovery.Org on this fiasco:

In this project the PI will study lightweight embodiment as an input for collaborative creative interaction, specifically applied to the domain of dance. The PI and her team of technologists, choreographers and artists will work together to define an evolving system that assists in the design and production of interactive dance performances with real-time audience interaction. The Dance.Draw system will enable dancers’ motions, tracked via small RF transmitters worn in satin cuffs . . . 

Those had better be some darn fine satin cuffs, is all I have to say.

And if you want to feel even worse about this, check out that bottom-line jobs number:

Award Number: 0855882

Funding Agency: National Science Foundation

Total Award Amount: $762,372

Project Location: City: Charlotte

Award Date: 06/17/2009

Project Location: State: NC

Project Status: Less Than 50% Completed

Project Location: Zip: 282230001

Jobs Reported: 1.50

A job and a half for more than three-quarters of a million rapidly depreciating U.S. dollars. If you liked the stimulus package, you’ll love the American Jobs Act.