The Romney Inaugural Address
Breaking news: Obama’s remarks, widely celebrated for their eloquence and good sense, were in fact crafted by his speechwriters in direct response to a draft of a planned Romney inaugural address that they somehow got hold of. An excerpt of Romney’s address:
We have learned from the last four years that it is a mistake to rely on each other and to work together. It is my firm belief that one man, by himself, can train the nation’s math and science teachers—and probably, if he really tries, the nation’s English teachers as well. One man, acting alone, can build all the labs and networks and roads we need. When he is not training those teachers. Yeah, I’m talking about the same guy. What we must resolve never to do is work alongside one another.
Also, children born in the bleakest poverty must learn to accept their fate. The way to reform entitlements is to stop taking care of the generation that built this country. We’ve just got to go cold turkey on that. And we must commit ourselves to perpetual war . . .
Man, this nation really dodged a bullet.