Washington, D.C. — A spokesperson for the FBI confirmed last night that the agency has recovered several pages of what forensics specialists believe are prep notes stolen from 60 Minutes correspondent Steve Kroft prior to his recent interview with President Obama. An examination of the notes reveals dozens of penetrating questions the reporter was prepared to ask the president, but was precluded from doing so because his notes were stolen. A sampling of the questions suggests the president can hardly expect a honeymoon period from the press at the outset of his second term:
Mr. President, the economy shrank last quarter. How, for heaven’s sake, does George W. Bush continue to do it? How can we stop him?
Why do you think Republicans hate women, blacks, Hispanics, Asians, gays, children, Jews, Catholics, and puppies?
How did you cope with the Nobel Committee’s delay in awarding you the Peace Prize? Do you think race played a role? Do you expect similar treatment regarding your place on Mt. Rushmore?
If you could be a unicorn, what color would your saddle be?
Are you keeping Guantanamo open so the producer of that hateful video responsible for the attack on our consulate in Benghazi can be transferred there?
Despite widespread media disgust with the aggressive and disrespectful tone of Kroft’s questions, a bidding war for the recovered notes has erupted among members of the White House press corps eager to distinguish themselves by posing the tough queries to the commander-in-chief. Asked about the questions, White House spokesman Jay Carney cautioned that such questions might do violence to the fabric of the republic. “While this administration remains committed to answering responsible questions from the press, these questions appear to be calculated to put this president in a bad light, solely for partisan purposes. I respectfully suggest that questions like these border on abuse of the First Amendment privileges granted by this administration.”