Turn Off These Christmas Tunes

by Shannen W. Coffin

My wife starts listening to Christmas music sometime after Labor Day (or perhaps Memorial Day), so the topic of Christmas songs is never too far from a conversation in our household. And a Facebook post by her sister this morning, in which she extolled the virtues of BandAid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas” – which Bob Geldof himself has admitted is one of the worst songs of all time – got me to thinking about the worst Christmas songs. 

The best Christmas song, at least of the popular (i.e., non-religious) variety, is easy for me. It’s Hugh Martin’s “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” which Judy Garland took permanent title to in Meet Me In St. Louis. Defendant Mark Steyn (that’s how I generally have to refer to him now) discussed the song here and covered it with Jessica Martin on their Christmas album.

The worst is more challenging, since there is so much rubbish to choose from.  This is the sort of debate that used to populate the Corner on a frequent basis, so I thought I’d put my top five out there for further analysis and criticism. And they are:

5) “Christmas Shoes” (by Christian group NewSong): Child worrying about his mother dying barefoot. What little boy knows his mother’s shoe size anyway?

4) “Christmas Eve in Washington“: For those who think you could never live in Washington, D.C., this song would prove you right. Consider yourself lucky you don’t hear this on your local radio station. If I were doing a national list, I would substitute Wham’s “Last Christmas,” which requires no further comment.

3) “Santa Baby“:- Have yourself a trampy little Christmas.

2) “Do they know it’s Christmas?” (BandAid): There are actually ski resorts in Algeria, so there is likely to at least be manufactured snow in Africa at Christmastime. 

1) “And So This Is Christmas” (or “Happy Christmas”): War is over. Hare rama? I don’t want it. Anyone who wants to continue to argue that John Lennon was really a conservative hasn’t listened to this bilge.