Nothing Creepy at All About the NYS Democratic Committee

by Fred Schwarz

As John Fund reports, the New York State Democratic Committee has sent menacing letters to registered Democrats who haven’t voted recently. The letters state pointedly that “we will be reviewing voting records . . . to determine whether you joined your neighbors who voted in 2014. . . . If you do not vote this year, we will be interested to hear why not.” It was mailed out statewide, though most of New York State’s Democrats are concentrated in the New York City area.

The committee points out that such letters are commonplace in other states (albeit usually without the idiosyncratic New York notion of tact). Still, New Yorkers are reacting with surprise and outrage, which suggests that the Democrats’ ground game may be no better than that of the Giants.

Anyway, speaking of shameless imitations, I have taken a cue from my colleague Charlie Cooke and rummaged through the trash bin outside NYSDC headquarters. Amidst the empty Starbucks latte cups, rusted Dukakis buttons, and aïoli-stained copies of The Nation, I found the following:

NYSDC REMINDER TO NON-VOTING DEMOCRATS

DRAFT VERSION

Yo, [insert name],

We got friends at the Board of Elections, and they tell us you’ve been shirking your friggin’ civic duty big time. Our connections say you haven’t cast a vote since that guy Pataki was governor. Not one goddamn vote.

You got a lotta chutzpah there, bro. Capisce? I mean, I’m not saying, I’m just saying.

(Oh, and don’t mind my buddy Frank here; he just likes to smack that nightstick into his hand. Helps him stay calm, know what I mean?)

Listen, we got a good what I like to call an arrangement going. Like, I’d sure hate to see your rent control revoked, but those state senators don’t work for peanuts. Be a shame if you suddenly had to pay market rate because the wrong guy got elected.

And that contract your company was awarded to satisfy the state’s gender quota? Someone could just happen to notice that the owner of record is your daughter, who’s still in high school. Like I say, pal, public information.

What’s that? You find it difficult to get out of the house on Election Day? Hey Frank, he says he finds it “difficult to get out of the house.” Well, in that case, I think we might just have to take you for a little ride . . . to the polls, I mean. Yeah, that’s right, to the polls. Good one, eh, Frank?

Look, buddy, I’ll cut to the chase here. On Election Day you got two choices: either get out and vote, or find an illegal alien to do it for you. Elsewise the city just might decide to shut down your entire block for pavement repairs — and you know those boys don’t work no overtime.

You got a problem with that?

Later, pal.

Your Friends at the NYSDC

The Corner

The one and only.