About Last Night’s Game of Thrones (SPOILERS!)

by Jonah Goldberg

One more warning: Spoilers ahead.

Okay. About last night. The Battle of the Bastards was pretty awesome. One of the best battles of its kind I’ve ever seen, large screen or small. But, I have complaints. I will rank them in order from least to most vexing.

First of all, where the Hell is Ghost? As one of only two of the direwolves left, and the only one that is still a wing man wolf of a stark, he really should have been there for the big fight (I had been hoping that Ramsay would fall back behind his dogs for protection until Ghost showed up. Suddenly, all of Bolton’s dogs get all submissive and like on their backs). A lot of people keep telling me he’s dead, but there’s no evidence for that. There was the vaguest hint that Ghost didn’t much like the smell of reanimated Jon but if that’s the explanation we could use a lot more clarity. 

Second, I won’t mourn Rickon too much. But I do have a question. Is there some rule that says you’re not allowed to serpentine when a guy with a long bow is shooting at you? 

Third, why the Hell didn’t Wun Wun (the giant) bring a weapon? It seems to me that if he used a tree or better yet a telephone pole sized scythe he could have torn a hole in Bolton’s forces no problem. Also, is he really above wearing a little armor? I’m pissed because I really liked Wun Wun and I thought it was a waste. By the way, where are the other giants? I know the King of the Giants died at the Battle of the Wall, but I don’t recall anyone saying that they were the last two giants on earth.* And where are the lady giants? Also: Can giants be turned into the undead? If humans and horses can, why not giants? And if they can: Uh oh.

Last and most important: What the Hell is wrong with Sansa? If she knew that the Knights of the Vale were coming why keep that from Jon? Even if she didn’t know for sure they were coming, she could have told Jon they were a possibility. I mean the two of them spent a whole episode going door to door across the North begging for aid. Last night they had a huge argument about how they didn’t have enough men to win. Jon was all Don Rumsfeld: You fight with the army you have not the one you want, yada yada. Wouldn’t that have been a good time for Sansa to say, “Oh by the way, I have a lead on a few hundred elite knights on horseback. Would that be helpful?”  If Jon had known they were coming, his strategy would have been very different, right? Hundreds of lives could have been saved, including Wun Wun! 

Grrr.

 

* Update: A snarky reader on Twitter points out that they are not earth at all (which I of course knew). So that should read “…last two giants on whatever planet they are on.”

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