Calling Shenanigans on Jake Tapper’s Superman-Haircut Theory

by Jonah Goldberg

Jake Tapper has a fantastic tweet thread on how Superman cuts his hair.

One of Superman’s tried and true methods, apparently, is that he uses his own laser vision to burn back his hair. I didn’t know this because — confessing my unpopular opinion here — I always thought Superman was kind of a dumb superhero and so I rarely read the comic.

Still I call shenanigans on this.

A quick Google search reveals, much as I expected, that Superman has flown into the sun many times.

There’s even video:

And yet I’ve been looking in vain for a single image of Superman with his hair burned off. Now, you might say that of course he won’t lose his hair in our “yellow” sun, because he derives his powers from it. When he goes into our sun, he gets stronger and so does his hair.

But according to Wikipedia and some more googling, Superman has also been able to withstand the heat inside the Earth’s core which, according to NASA, could range as much as 7,000 to 12,000 degrees. That is hotter than the surface of the sun and presumably hotter than his heat vision. And yet, he emerges with that glorious just-showered look.

Obviously, the truth is that Superman wears a wig. Either that, or Superman is a ridiculous comic-book character. Take your pick.

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