THE SINNER AND THE SAINT
The secret is out, and somebody told Hillary: President Clinton's granny was a member of the vast right-wing conspiracy. In her interview with Talk magazine, Hillary Clinton--author of the vast right-wing conspiracy theory--blames her husband's infidelity on squabbling in the 1940s between his mother and grandmother. "He was so young, barely four, when he was scarred by abuse that he can't even take it out and look at it," she says. "A psychologist once told me that for a boy, being in the middle of a conflict between two women is the worst possible situation. There is always the desire to please each one." And so the First Victim strayed, decades later. Just tryin' to please.

And how is his beleaguered wife? "We have love," she says, wistfully. That's possible because Hillary can forgive--just like Christ. "Peter betrayed three times and Jesus knew it but loved him anyway," she says. Remember how much the First Lady hated the "Saint Hillary" cover story in the New York Times Magazine a few years back? She must have thought sainthood was a step down.

The people she cannot forgive, of course, are Clinton's critics. They are "harmful to the country." And what could possibly motivate them? "People are mean."

A HIT
Reports out of New Mexico indicate that the Theater High-Altitude Air Defense System scored another hit in a test today, hammering a simulated warhead in space. This would be its second success since June 10, which followed six straight misses that had cheered opponents of missile defense. The media covered THAAD's last miss, on March 29, extensively; let's see how they treat today's apparent triumph.