6/23/00 5:40 p.m.
Teflon Bill and Crazy Glue Al
Gore's stuck.

Robert A. George is an editorial page writer
for the New York Post------------------------------------RAGGEDmail@aol.com

he liberal press, frustrated that they could never "pin" anything on him, called Ronald Reagan the Teflon President. But in many ways, Bill Clinton has been the one to avoid getting nailed for his various professional misdeeds.

Even conservatives have to admit that, despite millions spent and two independent counsels, there is precious thin gruel when it comes to a full accounting of this administration's misdeeds. Yes, former Arkansas Governor Jim Guy Tucker is behind bars; yes, various associates of the Clintons have been convicted, fined and imprisoned. But even that record is spotty: The Supreme Court overturned Webster Hubbell's tax-evasion conviction.

Actually, the great irony in eight years of the Clinton soap opera is that Bill only paid a high price (ongoing) for actions stemming from his private conduct. For Clinton's supporters, this renders the impeachment illegitimate. For those who believe in karma, it represents rough justice on a cosmic scale.

The independent counsel's record on official actions basically continues with Robert Ray's report exonerating First Lady Hillary Clinton in the "Travelgate" affair. Now, this writer purposely used the word "exonerate," fully recognizing that it is politically charged. It is the word that Clinton supporters use. Ray's report says that Hillary had a larger role in the firings of the White House Travel Office personnel than she claimed in sworn testimony. The report details what can charitably be called stonewalling on the part of the White House in turning over documents, e-mails, and other relevant information. But the Clinton camp will crow about this. In fact, Joe Lockhart released a statement saying, "there is no evidence that the First Lady did anything wrong." It's a perfectly Clintonian statement — factually accurate, but essentially a lie: It's not that we didn't do anything wrong; it's just that there's no evidence that we did. Further, Ray admits that he wouldn't be able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Mrs. Clinton committed perjury. Thus, Clinton supporters can happily say that this is further evidence that the vast right-wing conspiracy, which has been uttering dark statements for years that indictments were coming, has once again shot at the king and missed. Yes, one lesson is that, in some cases, cover-ups work. But, as far as the Clintons, their supporters, and those who don't follow the issue closely are concerned, "exoneration" is the correct word.

So, on Bill Clinton, the Teflon remains. The jury, so to speak, is still out on Hillary. New Yorkers are already skeptical about her veracity (of course, her friends in the press have dug up a quote from 1994 in which she revealed that she was both a Chicago Cubs and New York Yankees fan growing up). The Securities and Exchange Commission has suddenly determined that it must investigate Rick Lazio's profit-making on stocks he bought and sold back in 1997. Strangely, any opponent of a Clinton ends up with a federal agency in his life — the IRS, the SEC (weird coincidence, that), etc. Regardless, Travelgate will be something of a blip on the screen of the New York Senate race. Right now, Hillary can be considered to have partial Teflon.

The vice president is another matter. If the president is Teflon Bill, his chosen successor is Crazy Glue Al. Everything sticks to this guy. And it just won't come off. Back in the '80s, Bruce Springsteen (before he was decrying immigrants getting blown away by the cops) sang:

Message keeps getting clearer
radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place
I check my look in the mirror
I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere
I'm just living in a dump like this
There's something happening somewhere
baby I just know that there is

"Dancing In The Dark" must be Al Gore's anthem. If Gore were writing it again today (didn't know that he wrote it the first time, did you?), he would have added "change my campaign chairman," too. But what has the latest makeover got him? New polls showing him trailing George W. Bush by between seven and a dozen points. And, far worse, a third respected individual urges Janet Reno to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate 1996 campaign-finance abuses. We've gone through Louis Freeh, Charles LaBella, and now, Robert Conrad, leader of the Justice Department's campaign-finance task force. (Aside: All fans of late-'70s commercials must wish they were flies on the wall when Conrad busts into Reno's office, dares the Attorney General to appoint an independent counsel and knock the battery off his shoulder! Anyone who doesn't understand the reference is free to e-mail the columnist).

Whatever Reno does (even if she did appoint a prosecutor, no report would be issued before the November elections. Heck, the way the IC has turned stuff around over the years, there might not be a report before November 2004), this remains a permanent (i.e.. for the next five months) cloud over Al Gore's head. Worse, that omnipresent video of Gore in the Buddhist temple makes this a scandal far easier to communicate to the public than either FBI files or travel-office firings. Gore also suffers from two disadvantages: First, the public has grown attuned to the deception coming from Bill Clinton, and the time has come for it to end. And second, Al Gore just does not lie as well as Clinton.

It all goes to show that all the slime in the White House over the last few years has not magically disappeared into thin air. It just moved over to the vice president's residence. And, try as he might, he can't get it off of him. He's stuck.