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every war, the first casualty is often vocabulary, as the distance
between the reality we experience and the words we hear widens.
So we see the fragility of language in the present war against terrorism
— as Americans have had to amend their lexicon, ignore what
they are told, and trust instead to what they see and hear.
Afghan: it's not just your granny's
wool blanket
Al Jazeera:
el sleezera
Allies:
former friends with $3 billion in U.S. aid (see friends)
Al
Qaeda: Saruman to Saddam's
Sauron
Arafat:
in his 11th hour always slips into English
Article
Five:
NATO's Apocrypha
B-52:
an old 1950s rerun that the Taliban somehow missed
Bunker Busters:
the name suggests a mix between Saturday morning cartoons and the
Apocalypse; see Daisy-cutters
Burqa:
would be outlawed as cruel and unusual prison garb by any U.S. court
"But":
in the Middle East, this conjunction follows expressions of false
sympathy and precedes empty threats
Carriers:
if spotted offshore in groups of two or more — flee!
CNN:
commentary — Not News
Coalition:
a slander against the prefix "-co"
Cruise Missile:
suddenly more irrelevant than indispensable
Crusade:
as taboo a word as jihad is not
Crusades:
in Middle Eastern time reckoning: 1st (1947); 2nd (1956); 3rd (1967);
4th (1973)
Daisy-cutter:
a nuke without the fallout and mushroom
"Democracy":
no word for it in the languages of the Middle East, though five
and more exist for female veil
Durban:
when used with Kyoto means nothing, but reveals everything
Enemies: their status each week is
calibrated by the accuracy of bombing coupled with the quantity
of aid
Envy:
a word relevant to almost every aspect of the present crisis, although
never employed in sophisticated conversation
Europe:
Nestor of Homer's Iliad
Friends:
former neutrals with $2 billion in U.S. aid (see neutrals)
Fundamentalist:
seeks to reform the brutality of Middle Eastern autocracy with the
brutality of Islamic theocracy
Geraldo:
beware of entertainers with one name
Hamas:
needs only Himmler's uniforms and catchy initials
House arrest:
on the West Bank and in Pakistan entails loss of VCR privileges
Iran:
should hope that those yokel Americans don't mix up their "n's"
and "q's"
"Islamophobia":
mostly a cover for anti-Semitism
Israel:
quite obviously the sole cause of poverty, illiteracy, and misery
among a billion Muslims
Jesse Jackson:
get ready for war when the U.S. government says it has "no
objections" to his next planned trip overseas
Jihad:
more often directed at unarmed civilians in peacetime than against
soldiers in war
Lebanon:
terrorism's Wall Street
"Let's
Roll":
an American fatwa
"links
to":
at first always denied publicly, later quietly confirmed
madrassa:
similar to a doctoral program in Comp. Lit.
"matter
of national security":
the "matter of" gives the game away.
Military
tribunals:
feared more by American professors than by al Qaeda terrorists
"Misspoke":
got it right the first time
"Moderate"
governments:
abettors of, rather participants in, terrorism
Mullah Omar:
Falstaff as psychopath
NATO:
Not an Alliance, Treaty, or Organization
Neutrals:
former enemies with $1 billion in U.S. aid
OBL:
you know you're toast when American bureaucrats give you an acronym
Osama bin
Laden:
get Tony Robbins, pronto!
Pakistan:
a mosquito buzzing in and out of the mouths of tigers
President
Musharraf:
see no, hear no, speak no evil
Profiling:
can be done to, but not by, Americans
Ramadan:
a holy month when Muslims should be allowed to shoot at, but not
be shot at by, the Infidel
"Republic
of ------":
outside the West, means no elections
Royal Family:
drop "royal" and for oil, imagine drugs — and then
its size, nature, and organization suddenly become comprehensible
to Americans
Saudi Arabia:
a valued ally whose citizens butcher thousands of Americans, whose
royal family funds worldwide terrorism, and whose government seeks
to disrupt the economy of the United States in exchange for being
defended by American troops
Security
Check:
postponement without protection
"Some
sources report…":
"My ill-informed opinion is…"
Special
Forces:
most prefer not to know what the "special" means
State Department:
drops its own wrong policies as quickly as it adopts right ones
from others
Taliban:
cross between the SS and the Marx brothers
"Terrorist":
if heard in any sentence starting "one man's …."
, a waste of time to listen further
Terrorism:
the mall and arcade for the young and restless of the Middle East
"There
is no connection between…":
always means there is
Tora Bora:
really is an island of sorts surrounded by a sea of Predators and
SEALS
U.N.:
few united, fewer still nations
Unilateralism:
an intended slur that is sure praise
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