|
 aris,
September 11, 2001
Reuters
reported today that unknown terrorists have crashed three Air France
jetliners into the Eiffel Tower and the Louvre. Preliminary reports
suggest that the Eiffel Tower collapsed a few minutes after the
attack, followed an hour later by a massive explosion at the Louvre.
Nablus,
Palestine, September 12 — "Chirac Livid"
While visiting
Chairman Arafat in occupied Palestine, the French President Jacques
Chirac fired off a firm response to yesterday's suicide bombings:
"At attack on us is an attack on the culture of all of Europe.
The world shall soon see the fury of an aroused European Union.
We shall either have an apology — or, my God, we shall have
war!"
Paris,
September 20 — "The EU Strikes Back"
EU Foreign
Minister Policy Chief Javier Solana outlined a "radical agenda"
of "punitive" measures to "bring to immediate justice"
the terrorist architects of the 9/11 massacres. It was resolved
by the EU to: (1) cease immediately all flights between Kabul and
the European capitals; (2) insist on a boycott of all Afghani products;
(3) freeze all assets of the Taliban government currently in French
banks; (4) issue warrants for Mr. bin Laden and his top lieutenants
to turn themselves in at the World Court at the Hague; (5) introduce
a binding resolution at the United Nations calling for "global
condemnation of terrorism;" (6) demand a "full accounting"
from the Pakistani and Saudi Ministers of State as to the complicity
of their nationals in the affairs of September 11; (7) expel immediately
any al Qaeda members from all EU territory.
Paris,
October 7 — "NATO Is Shoulder-to-Shoulder"
Secretary of
Defense Donald Rumsfeld, visiting the still-smoldering craters,
sounded a sober and judicious note about invoking Article V of the
NATO Charter. "It has been less than a month since that dastardly
act. This is no time for precipitate heroics at the expense of careful
consultation. We are in full agreement with our allies that we must
be very careful about assessing blame until all the facts are in.
Although our French friends postulate that Mr. bin Laden is a suspect,
there is as yet no real proof of his culpability. The last thing
the Europeans want us to do is, like reckless Texas cowboys, to
send in a bunch of F-16s to aggravate an already-delicate situation
in the Middle East. Leadership, not braggadocio, is America's role
in all of this."
Rumsfeld noted
that, despite the destruction of nearly 20 acres in the heart of
Paris, "The French people are nuanced enough to know that this
act of depravity may well have no real military solution. It really
is a much deeper problem arising out of postcolonial poverty and
historical grievances about Europe's past imperial presence abroad."
And in yet
still another show of solidarity, Rumsfeld promised that the United
States "would cede to the greater French expertise in a region
historically better known to its former colonial powers." Dismissing
rumors that the United States might help to transport French ground
troops to Afghanistan or allow French pilots to use American carriers,
Rumsfeld nevertheless left his French hosts without any doubt of
"full" American support: "No French diplomat, good
golly, thinks that you can solve something like this by sending
in B-52s and Special Forces to bomb a bunch of caves."
Paris,
December 24, 2001 — "Enough Pain to Go Around"
Ex-President
Clinton, who earlier toured Ground Zero on Christmas Eve, expressed
his deep-felt sorrow to the French people in an impromptu address
at the Sorbonne. "The tragedy is that I was hours away from
getting bin Laden, anticipating throughout my administration just
such an event. Had the Congress passed my anti-terror legislation
we would have had 100,000 federal marshals at every world capital
to stop this nonsense."
Clinton, Europe's
best-loved American president, then in polite tones of admonition
reminded his hushed audience in both French and English, "L'homme
est né libre, et partout il est dans les fers. So we
must conceptualize barbarity in its proper historical landscape.
Your gallant Gallic hands nevertheless also have been equally bloodthirsty.
In the not too-distant past Vercingetorix in some sense was a terrorist
himself. And we are all big enough to recall that not long ago the
Franks — both at Poitiers and then on Crusade most recently
in Jerusalem — butchered thousands of Muslims. So we are seeing
a historical context of past grievance married to the more recent
colonial fallout from Algeria. No one is perfect. We all grieve.
There is pain. Pain there is all around."
Brussels,
November 11 — "Anchors Away"
The EU Foreign
Minister, Louis Michel, promised pan-European "collective"
action to "stamp out these illegals" at their source,
threatening to galvanize the entire continent in an "overwhelming"
response. "Unless these terrorists set things right, they may
see something bigger than Trafalgar." The Irish defense minister
warned al Qaeda that they were on the verge of "receiving an
awfully bloody nose." And the Dutch defense command upped the
ante with some saber-rattling of its own: "The blood will be
on Mr. bin Laden's hands, not ours — if in the end we are persuaded
or even forced beyond our control to actually in many cases intrude
and perhaps even attack for long or perhaps extended periods of
time including and not limited to many days in duration."
At the time
of the Michel communiqué, anonymous sources reported that
a "huge" European armada of two frigates and an auxiliary
helicopter carrier were said to be reconnoitering off Malta on their
way to patrol the coast of Pakistan. The Carrier Task Force ("Force
de Frappe" #16a3) will be under seasoned Italian command,
with veteran Spanish pilots, and Norwegian gunnery officers, supported
in depth by crack Portuguese reconnaissance and sophisticated Finnish
telecommunications. The Belgian military attaché issued a
final ultimatum to Mr. bin Laden: "Al Qaeda will quickly learn
that the entire coast of Pakistan is soon to be closely watched.
The perpetrators of this foul deed are now bottled up and soon will
find themselves pretty much confined within the Asia-Africa land
mass."
Paris,
November 9 — "Lafayette We Are Here"
The American
Secretary of State, Colin Powell, visiting the cinders of the Louvre,
reiterated the solidarity of the American people with their French
allies. Powell announced to cheering throngs afterwards on the Champs
de Élysées that help would be "massive"
and "just might include" four search-and-rescue teams
— all equipped with dogs; more than 100 American riot policepersons;
a mobile Medivac company; and — if the situation "worsens"
— a "sophisticated" canteen unit.
Sources close
to the Secretary report that his meetings with prominent French
officials were "fruitful" and "productive."
"We must step very carefully," Powell added. "It's
not as though after a mere 60 days from the ET bombing, anyone is
going to rout the Taliban out of Mazar e-Sharif." Powell's
press spokesmen denied vigorously that the secretary had requested
that France reexamine its entire policy in the Middle East —
especially its traditional support for radical Arab governments.
Yet one aide remarked off the record: "Hey, if you give arms
and money to those sh***y little countries, this stuff is bound
to happen."
Washington
DC, November 17 — "America's Blank Check"
President George
Bush today pledged America's "full and unlimited" help
to the EU flotilla now heading to the Indian Ocean. "If they
need a minesweeper — even a destroyer escort — they got
it. No problema."
In a note of
caution, however, Bush went on to remind President Chirac: "Today
is the start of Ramadan. America was founded on the idea of religious
diversity and we would hate to see you all go off half-cocked during
a Muslim holy month. There is no real axis of evil or anything like
that over in that part of the world. It's not like Kandahar is going
to fall in early December or anything. Let's all simmer down, put
our feet up on the rockers, and back off for a month to let tempers
cool."
Paris,
December 1 — "C'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas la guerre."
Well-known
philosopher, Jacques Derrida, tried to bring back some clarity to
the shock of 9/11 on the French psyche. "This is avant-garde
chaos. And yet something else as well — something big and important.
If not, wholly despicable, then at least, should we not agree, at
least, in part an abomination? On the one hand, it is creative destruction
au courant, if you will, but in the most astonishing fashion. It
is, I would not hesitate to add, an iconic gesture. An epiphenomenon
of Power. An Act. One, that is to say, meant to reify long-standing
oppressions of the other. But on the other hand, are not the buildings,
the people, the paintings — and in this I might add for a moment,
the esprit of France herself — I mean they are quite, how would
one say? Poof! Kaput? Quite gone! Could not one at least say that?
New
York, January 15, 2002 — "The Battle of the Red Sea"
On news that
a French frigate after a fierce gun battle had intercepted two al
Qaeda terrorists on a raft on their way to Somalia, the American
Red Cross sounded a note of caution. "We hope that our French
friends realize that these detainees are, in fact, Prisoners of
War. They simply cannot be held incommunicado as they are now at
sea. They must be formally processed — with members of our
delegation in attendance. We are ready to fly there now to ensure
these suspects are properly protected under the Geneva Convention
and given facilities for worship, including prayer mats, Dramamine,
and compasses. And we have packages of Oreos and Lunchables for
them all as well. Reports reaching us of escargot and Jerry Lewis
videos, if true, border on real torture."
In addition,
American spokesmen for PETA have announced that they will file a
grievance with the U.N. for "extreme barbarity and gratuitous
cruelty" in conjunction with the reported French issue of foi
gras: "The suspects have a right to know just how many
animals were terrorized and exploded to supply their food."
The Reverend Jesse Jackson was also pursuing reports that one of
the two detainees, an American Black Muslim, might well have been
given pork rinds, "They better check out their cuisine and
keep away that guillotine."
Washington,
DC. February 11 — "Chickens Coming Home to Roost?"
Presidential
Press Secretary Ari Fleicher tried to put the events of the past
six months in some sort of more complex diplomatic perspective.
"This is a horrific tragedy, but in some sense it remains a
part of the Kyoto and Durban fallout. If one were to reject sober
unilateralism, and thus insist on a risky, self-serving, and highly
idiosyncratic internationalism that we saw at Kyoto and Durban,
then one must accept the wages of that rather egocentric policy.
And so the French — as we warned them in vain — now have
finally gotten their internationalism."
|
