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Nixon is buried at his library in Yorba Linda, and — as I learned from Debbie Orin’s report in the New York Post — the Gipper and 41 are both slated to be buried at theirs. Maybe I’m weird, but I thought all this a little creepy — a little Invalides-y, a little shriney. It’s probably because I’d just seen Richard Brookhiser’s fabulous PBS documentary on George Washington, in which he says — I’m talking about Rick, not Washington — that the Father of His Country refused a shrine-ish, demi-godish burial in the U.S. Capitol. There’s something democratic, republican, and American about being buried at Shady Elms with the missus over on the far end of town, isn’t there?
The lead — by the way, in writing normal English, we shouldn’t write the inside-journalism word “lede,” which is pretentious — says it all: “Chinese brides of Taiwanese men who went to China to visit their families were ordered by Beijing to have abortions or to undergo surgery to have their fallopian tubes tied. They were also fined and threatened with punishment under China’s one-child policy if they had more children . . .” Just a reminder that Communist China is still Communist China. Nice that they’re hosting the ’08 Games, isn’t it?
And I always thought Philly was a place for no airs! Have politicians (or others, for that matter) used “Esquire” since the Founding period? Me, I find it a little too much even at law firms. (If you’ve truly got too much time on your hands, you may want to look at this Beijing ’08 piece and this strange little — but interesting, I contend — piece on the honorific “Dr.,” which has this follow-up. I guess that’s enough linkage for one parenthetical paragraph.)
But about this “war on length.” Many people seem to be trying to diminish Woods’s achievements, in a variety of ways, and one of those ways is to talk about his length as if it were some unfair, and perhaps even unearned, advantage. Length is part of golf, of course; it’s part of technique. In fact, length is one of the rewards for good technique. It isn’t, as the ill-informed suppose, a matter of mere size, physique. Two of the longest players in the game are Jeff Sluman and Ian Woosnam, both pint-sized. (Woosnam, in fact, is nicknamed “The Wee Welshman.”) All things being equal, size and strength matter. But, of course, all things are never equal — which is why technique rules. Carping about a golfer’s length is something like whining about a soccer player’s quickness. Moreover, Woods is one of the most accurate drivers of the ball and one of the finest strikers of the ball ever. (That’s “ever.”) I had to laugh at the title of a recent Dave Anderson column in the New York Times: “Don’t Stretch a Course, Tighten It.” Anderson had the recent majors at Augusta and Bethpage in mind. Simply to take the U.S. Open: It is the tournament that the big hitter is supposed to have the least advantage in. It’s the tournament of punishingly narrow fairways and impossible roughs; the tournament of irons off the tee, the tournament that takes the driver out of your hand; the tournament of grinding; the tournament of mental, even spiritual, fortitude. And, of course, Tiger wins those too. Tighten the courses? Go ahead — advantage still Tiger. Grow the rough at Augusta, trick up the greens, make it impossible to shoot below par on Sunday (which the impresarios of Augusta and Bethpage both did) — doesn’t matter. You can’t stop Tiger from winning. And there will come a time, maybe, when everyone’ll just have to stop grousing and accept. I think of Marion Barry, who said, when he was reelected in Washington, “Get over it.” I loved the bumper sticker after the ’94 congressional elections: “Speaker Newt: Deal with it.” Even Jack Nicklaus — who was so gracious about Tiger at first (when it was easier) — is getting a little cranky, “his neck reddening,” as Sam Snead used to say about him — it was the only way you could tell that Jack was disturbed on the golf course — sniping about “competition.” But that’s another rant. I’m off track. Was talking about length. Davis Love III — “D-Money,” as a friend of mine, and former associate of his, calls him — commented as follows, before the British Open at Muirfield: “If Tiger played Putt-Putt, he would still be the favorite. But there are more guys with a chance [at Muirfield]. You could see guys like Loren Roberts do well here, or Justin Leonard, guys who put it in the fairway and putt well. [Geez, a shame that Tiger can’t put it in the fairway and putt well!] At the U.S. Open, only players like Tiger, myself [ah, that damnable reflexive], Phil Mickelson, and Sergio Garcia had a chance.” (Sergio, by the way, weighs a buck fifty.) (And Ernie Els — the eventual winner at Muirfield — is one of the longest players in the game. But he has a thousand other strengths, too.) Oh, what a bunch of hooey, what DL III said. I mean, I love Love — always have, always will — told him so to his face once — but he should know better. Corey Pavin, who can’t hit it out of his shadow, won the U.S. Open at Shinnecock — which they’d made into a monster — in near-hurricanes, one of the most stunning athletic feats any of us has ever witnessed. Tiger Woods: Deal with it.
Equally interesting — even stirring — was the statement of Peter Dawson, before the Open at Muirfield. Mr. Dawson is the chief of the Royal and Ancient, the Isles’ governing body. He said: “On the issue of whether we should care about the type of club the Open comes to, our policy is to bring the championship to the best links courses available. We believe there is plenty of room in the game for all types of clubs, be they male, female, or mixed. In mixed clubs, equal rights should apply. In Scotland, there are many all-women clubs as well as all-men’s. It doesn’t imply anything [sinister, presumably]. We’re here because this is one of the finest links in the world. The fact the Open is at Muirfield is in no way damaging the championship. We have no apology about this.” You know, I really didn’t think such talk was possible today.
The effort to “understand” Allen Iverson in all his “complexity” — that “generous nature” and all — stands in painful contrast to the media treatment of John Rocker, who perhaps could have used a little understanding and generosity his own bad self. So, there you go: stereotypical as you can get.
So this Callahan, a state rep, comes along and says, “That man has never owned a Christmas tree. He’s not a Christian. And I’m thinking, ‘Jeez, how can he represent me then?’” Natch, there were many things to say about this: that the heart of Christianity is not a Christmas tree, but, as we all know, wassail; that a Jew can certainly represent Christians in Congress, just as Christians can represent Jews; that, if the speaker of this despicable and stupid statement had been a Republican, it might have gotten some serious national play — the late-night talk shows, the works. But what I should have said was: What if Rep. Callahan were running against a Jew named Tannenbaum? Nice thing about an ongoing column: Never really too late.
“Some of you have read the bestseller Bias. I think it’s telling that this is a book that is about us in the networks, that was conspicuously held by the president to show that he is reading it, that is the number-one bestseller and has been on the bestseller list for about 20 weeks [the speech was given in May], and yet there is not even any buzz about it in my business. It’s just forbidden. We don’t talk about it, even in the hallways.” Yes, but maybe in deeper recesses!
But what I didn’t know, before reading his obit, was that he, a Russian Orthodox, “adopted his mother’s Jewish family name as a young man to protest Stalin’s anti-Semitic campaigns.” That took my breath away. Can one imagine oneself doing that? In that environment? A great man.
Funny, but, politics aside, I rather like Bruce Willis. And don’t I recall a revolting, tell-all photo of Markie Post — the actress from Night Court — jumping up and down on the bed in the Lincoln Bedroom, holding hands with that other woman? Ah, never mind. |
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o you want to talk
about Bill Clinton’s death? Well, I don’t mean it quite like
that, it’s just that I was struck by the news item about his potential
burial: Some of his “people” suggest that he should be buried
at his presidential library in Little Rock. The big library fundraiser,
Skip Rutherford, said, “There is a contemplation garden on the library
site that could be used for a burial ground.”
You
may have read 
