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Kathryn Jean Lopez: What is it that first attracted you to Natural Family Planning (NFP) and why have you made spreading the word about it a mission of yours? Bethany Torode: As I read the testimonies of couples who practice NFP, all sorts of pieces came together in my mind. It seemed to be such an obvious key to marital success. Together, you're learning about the beautiful inner workings of each other's bodies. This brings a closeness, a lack of embarrassment, and a good view of sexuality to the couples who work together at it. I was also very attracted by the fact that NFP doesn't involve bringing awkward devices, like condoms, or emotionally and physically manipulative chemicals, like the Pill, into the most sacred part of married life.
The clincher for me was hearing of all the couples who testify to a monthly "honeymoon effect" after a time of abstaining. Sex is like chocolate — if you eat it all the time, it loses its flavor. But Americans have virtually no concept of the beauty and rewards of self-discipline, in the areas of food or sex. Sam Torode: As to what made it a mission of ours — that started when we began researching the Pill. We learned that the Pill is designed to work in three ways, the last of which is to thin the uterine lining so that a newly conceived embryo can't implant. In other words, the Pill is known to cause early abortions. Because so many young Christians use the Pill, including friends of ours, we wanted to make this information more widely known. We wanted to counteract, in some small way, the influence of Evangelicals like Tim and Beverly LaHaye, who recommend the Pill for newlyweds in their best-selling book on sex. So we wrote an article about it and submitted it to a Christian magazine, but it was rejected. The editor told us that the publisher's policy was, "you can't speak ill of the Pill." At that point, we felt like we had been silenced. But rather than give up, we decided to write a whole book on contraception and NFP, and we were determined to get it published one way or another. Lopez: Have you gotten grief from Protestant friends for this book? For the very Catholic view of contraception you espouse? For criticism of the likes of the LaHayes — likening their books to Dr. Ruth! Bethany: Not really. Friends are generally open, and even when they disagree they do so in a relaxed way. If the book ever became a noticeable seller, I suspect we might be criticized by some more public authors and Protestant leaders. A little while ago, we were guests on a radio show along with a Christian who's both a doctor and an author, who represented the opposite and predominant view. Since then we've read that he is planning on publishing a book on contraception in 2004. So we'll see if that contains any criticism, veiled or unveiled. I think our book is more intriguing or bizarre than anything else. People wonder why in the world two twentysomething Protestants would even think twice about "the Catholic position." What we want them to realize is that it's the Christian position, is something that all Protestants, Catholics, and Orthodox can and should agree on. Sam: I'd like to see some negative reviews, actually, because that would show that people who disagree with us are actually reading the book. It would be nice to spark some debate with the folks we take issue with, like the LaHayes. We respect the people whose writings we criticize, and we want them to consider our arguments. Lopez: Have you managed to sell freedom from artificial birth control to any — especially pro-life — friends? Bethany: Yes, at least four of my good girlfriends that I can think of off the top of my head. I always get a little nervous when a friend says to me, "You've convinced me! Now help me get started." We're just the vessels for passing on what we've learned from others, and we're still learning ourselves. I don't want us to be put on a pedestal or viewed through rose-colored glasses. NFP is hard work, especially at first — harder than remembering to swallow a pill everyday. But it's infinitely more rewarding, and I know that if people stick with it they will be more satisfied and full. Sam: We discovered that some of our married friends — both Catholics and Protestants — had already decided against contraception. Since writing the book, we've received letters from other couples who are in agreement. So we really aren't that unusual. It's surprising that no one wrote a book like ours sooner. We hope more books and articles will follow, by other Christians who have wrestled with these issues. Lopez: I'm sure in the course of your book work you've encountered those polls and articles about Catholics not using NFP, some Catholic parishes not even teaching it seriously anymore. Have you met Catholics finding your book as a resource they had yet to encounter? Sam: There are very few Christian couples of any stripe who don't use contraception. Catholics who follow their Church's teaching can't look down on Protestants for accepting contraception, when there are actually about as many Protestants as Catholics out there who don't use contraception. But, though the counterculture is small, it's vibrant and growing. Bethany: We have heard from at least one woman who said something to the effect of "Thank you for explaining my Church's teaching to me — now I have the means to follow it, and I can explain why I believe what I do." We've also heard from a lot of Catholics who are already following the Church's teaching, and they are really excited about our book because it's not an antagonistic or off-putting introduction to what they believe, and they can give it to all their friends as food for thought. Lopez: What would you say to a married couple who may say to you, after reading your book, "NFP is all fine and good for you, but you wanted a baby right away. We want to wait. We don't even have the money or house to support kids yet. We want to be sure we won't have kids for awhile." Sam: It's a decision between them and God. The most we could ask is that they reach a conclusion based on prayer, Scripture reading, and sound reason. As a general rule, I hold by what my parents taught me: that if you're not ready to have a baby, you're not ready to get married. That said, there can be exceptions where a couple has reasons to postpone a child after getting married. In that case, NFP is the best way to go. Most people don't realize that there are two sides to the NFP coin — it is highly effective both for avoiding and achieving pregnancy, because it is based on detailed self-knowledge of fertility. If they plan on using contraception, I would hope that they seriously consider the facts about the Pill, as well as the effects that all forms of contraception can have on a marriage. I would also hope that they read testimonies from couples who have given up contraception and now practice NFP. Lopez: How old is Gideon now? Bethany: He's nearing a year. He has six teeth, an infatuation with wheels, and a tendency to bounce to music with pulsing bass lines. He's a blast to have around.
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