All Apologies
What if those who had taken positions that in a matter of weeks or days were totally discredited actually apologized for it?

December 12, 2001 1:05 p.m.

s has often been remarked, the Washington debate always chugs on, with no final reckoning, even after pundits and politicians have been proven brazenly wrong.

What if we lived in a different world, and those who had taken positions that in a matter of weeks or days were totally discredited actually apologized for it?

Such a world might look something like this:

Al Hunt to John Ashcroft:
"Wow, John. I'm just really . . . I'm so embarrassed. I mean, what was I supposed to think? As we determined at the time of your confirmation hearings, you are a racist — actually scratch that John, no one is calling you a racist — but you are at the very least extremely insensitive to minorities. And now look, despite all that make-nice rhetoric at your hearings, you have detained minorities. You have to admit John, you just opened yourself up there. Very clumsy. Totally tone-deaf. Besides which: Why all these detentions at a time when funding for WIC is set to experience a drastic shortfall in the out years 2006-2008 (see accompanying chart)? Why all this focus on detaining so-called 'domestic terrorists,' when bin Laden's outrageous soft-money contributions to the Taliban have been left totally unaddressed by the corporate fat cats in your own party? Anyway, I checked in with Leahy's staff just to be extra careful and confirm that you are a dangerous right-winger, so last week's column was double-sourced, and totally locked-down. So imagine how I felt reading this week's Newsweek story about how the 'embarrassing' detentions that I said are a 'fishing expedition' may have foiled another terrorist attack. What timing! What's wrong with Leahy's people — they didn't have wind of this? So, John I'm just really, really sorry — that I was made to look like an ass."

R.W. Apple to Don Rumsfeld:
"Ok, I admit it. As November faded into December in Washington — the crisp, bright blue days seemingly mocking the gravity of the decisions being made in the corridors of power — I wrote another 'news analysis' outrageously disconnected from reality. As Washington groaned under the simultaneous pressures of a war overseas and a young president transforming himself into something grander than he ever could have imagined even a few weeks ago, I hit the Ctrl-Q macro on my computer, and the word 'quagmire' popped onto the screen. As the scrambling for power and status in this city obsessed with both proceeded apace — even as F-18s hurled into the Afghan night half a world away — I filed my story secure in the knowledge that it didn't have to contain 'news' or rigorous 'analysis,' because at the Times 'news analysis' is neither. As lawmakers from both parties struggle to reconcile their partisanship with the public's expectation of unity at a time of war, I just wanted to let you know that I'm sorry I wrote that Afghanistan was another Vietnam, even as the administration's talk of backing a splintered and ineffective opposition in Iraq begins to bear an unmistakable resemblance to the U.S. policy of supporting the South Vietnamese army back in 1965."

Colin Powell to Ariel Sharon:
"As I was telling a reporter the other day on background, my reputation for fair-mindedness and moderation is unquestioned. Just look at the record. Even better, look at my clips. I was in favor of moderately bombing the Taliban. I was the one who came up with the idea that the Northern Alliance should moderately capture Kabul — surrounding the city, but not entering it. With this unquestioned reputation, I was just the one to urge Israel to moderately tolerate terrorism in the cause of ending the cycle of violence and getting both sides around the negotiating table in a way that would build trust and understanding and create the conditions for both sides to give and to take in an atmosphere of mutual respect and goodwill. After a short cease-fire, of course, of no Palestinian suicide attacks over a period of seven days. Well, maybe five days. No, three days — or perhaps just an afternoon (defined as any period not lasting more than 2 1/2 hours occurring any time from 12 P.M. to 6 P.M. on a weekday, inclusive of pizzeria and discotheque, but not bus-stop bombings, as stipulated in Appendix 3 of the Mitchell/Tenet/Zinni Plan for the Briefest Cessation of Mass Murder of Israeli Civilians). Because how can you possibly have confidence-building measures if Israel is still going to insist on complaining about terrorist attacks, thus undermining trust and understanding and the conditions for both sides to give and to take in an atmosphere of mutual respect and goodwill? That my friend, Arik, is the question, and I'm sorry if these latest murderous attacks have obscured it for you, but then again not everyone can have my reputation for fairness and moderation."