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 hough
in his own language his name is unpronounceable, in English he is known
as Cosmo. Like Bono or Cher, Cosmo requires no last name. Of indeterminate
parentage and upbringing, Cosmo is the friendliest of dogs. While he answers
to many sounds, he is also known by several street names, including C-Mo,
Cosmo the Wonderdog, Cosmo the Underdog, and, of course, Cosmo the Unmerciful
(by squirrels and other vermin).
While he is best known for his willingness to live with Jonah Goldberg
and Jessica Gavora, we do not know much about Cosmo with any great certainty.
He was adopted from the Washington, D.C., Animal Shelter and they claim
he is half Australian cattle dog and half yellow Labrador.
We know that he considers squirrels to be the most identifiable incarnation
of Jacobin perfidy known to man or beast. In fact, some suspect that Cosmo
is a follower of the late political philosopher Leo Strauss, though evidence
on this score is scanty. Indeed, since Straussians are rarely inclined
to reveal their true political dispositions his very silence on this score
is cited by some as evidence of the allegation. Others point to the fact
that Cosmo rejects the progressivist and positivist bent of many historians;
that he tends to bark at people carrying books by Machiavelli; and the
fact that he considers the laws of man useful for keeping others in their
place as corroboration of his Straussian tendencies.
Regardless, Cosmo's duties are few and his sense of entitlement knows
no bounds. He "helps" NRO Editor Jonah Goldberg with his work from time
to time by dropping incredibly slobbery tennis balls in his lap. He kills
toy animals without remorse if left alone for more than a few hours and
he believes the food of man is the sustenance of dog-kind as well. He
barely holds official title with NRO, but he considers all activity to
be worthy of his inspection and comment.
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