Channeling Jacob Weisberg
On the heels of this Isaiah-like prophecy, here’s a preview of Jacob Weisberg’s next commentary for Slate:
“If Sarah Palin–a woman–is elected vice-president, the voters will have put a final and irrevocable end to our nation’s disastrous heritage of sexism. Think of what this could mean for America. Our children will grow up in a world where men, women, and everyone else will respect each other as people and learn to communicate honestly and openly in an atmosphere of mutual caring and understanding; your husband will stop leaving the seat up; peace and love will reign triumphant; the lion will lay down with the lamb; global warming will spontaneously reverse itself, and the snow will always be good for making snowballs; the Cubs and Indians will meet in the World Series, and both teams will win; and Americans will never again have to deal with poverty, war, injustice, the sniffles, losing their car keys, or annoying people who talk loudly on their cell phones during movies.
“But if the voters pass up this opportunity to elect a woman, foot binding will be revived; the novels of Jane Austen will banned from schools and replaced with Mickey Spillane; women like Nancy Pelosi will never again be allowed to hold power (wait, uh, let me rephrase that); our patriotic lesbian citizens will be prohibited from cutting their hair and forced to watch Oxygen Media; comfortable shoes will disappear from the shelves of our nation’s stores; a plague of locusts will descend upon the hard-working people of this great land; your favorite show will be canceled, and will remain unavailable on DVD for decades to come; and life will just generally suck all around for, oh, the next couple of centuries . . .”