Here’s a list of topics I hope Conan O’Brien jokes about at tonight’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner. I mean, what’s funnier than major news stories on how the whole world is falling apart?

French troops begin their withdrawal from Mali. But not to fear, the UN is sending 13,000 peacekeepers. I hope they test the peacekeepers for cholera this time.

Church attacked in Egypt.

New fatwa says rape in Syria is OK as long as it’s a non-Sunni woman.

Out: Red line in Syria. New red line in Syria.

Shocker: China might have lied about the terrorist attack in Xinjiang.

Sunnis forming a “tribal army” in Iraq.

“North Africa is becoming the new Afghanistan.”

But, hey, it’s not all bad. The government did fix the FAA mess. . .

. . .And just as soon as they correct the typo in the bill, the president can sign it.

I hope the delay in the FAA bill doesn’t affect Lindsay Lohan’s flight. It really would be a shame if she missed such an important event.