In addition to suffering from recent criticism over its decision to run a fraudulent NARAL ad, CNN has also been in a ratings slump for quite some time. Blogger Mr. Sun has come up with a few ways for CNN to recover. Among them:
Stop teasing and cut right to the heart of the matter with a re-tooled Anderson Cooper Understands You Better Than Your Husband — a full hour of sensitive journalism and impossibly tight pants. In the event MSNBC overtakes CNN for two consecutive ratings periods, get ready for Anderson Cooper 360 Full Monte, a panoramic view of the Mini Cooper, if you catch my drift, and I know that you do. Whatever it takes.
Let Lou be Lou, and dominate the senior demographic with Lou Dobbs’ Earlybird Special. Tune in for plenty of Social Security scaremongering, Matlock rerun spoilers, and hard-hitting coupon-clipping action.
Finally, a breakthrough show that plays on the strengths of the network and its anchor: Nancy Grace’s Rush To Judgment — a one minute segment at the bottom of every hour where Nancy Grace empties her bedpan of hatred and contempt on people who have not yet been given due process of law. Robert Novak is featured in a special walk-on/storm off cameo.
Loosen the last remaining tie that keeps Larry King tethered to reality and get ready for interviews with the ghost of Carol Channing about Islam, her memories of playing Dolly on Broadway, irritable bowel syndrome, and being dead. For the full hour.
Carol Channing isn’t even dead yet, but I still think these are great ideas! Read them all. I’ve got one to add, based on a post here
yesterday. Erase Wolf Blitzer’s memory, give him a baffling pile of different passports and let him spend all three hours of The Blitzer Identity
using his mysterious martial arts skills to force politicians to answer tough questions about the news of the day, with each one offering a clue to Wolf’s true identity. (via TVNewser