Re: Four Loko Update!

by Nathan Harden

Robert, since it looks like you are soon to be deprived by the authoritarian New York government of the alcoholic energy drinks you so enjoy, I would like to propose a few potential solutions:

No. 1: Move across the Hudson to a shoddy apartment above a convenience store in Newark, one that you are certain sells both Four Loko and Joose (preferably one open 24 hours a day).

No. 2: Stay in NYC, and take matters into your own hands. Mix two parts Red Bull, one part gin, three parts vodka (preferably low shelf), and one part cherry-flavored Robitussin. Voila!

No. 3: Allow David and me to set up an interstate Four Loko smuggling ring, direct from Tennessee to your doorstep. Like you, David wants to keep the stuff legal. I’m still on the fence, but I have confidence that you would drink responsibly and wouldn’t find yourself inexplicably waking up at a Central Washington State University party with no idea how you got there.