Ann Arbor, Mich. – At a press conference here on Monday, Pres. Barack Obama announced a $500 million federal bailout for Borders Group Inc., the Ann Arbor–based national superstore book chain, on fears that bankruptcy could destroy American reading and leave millions of children illiterate.
“If Republicans allow this American icon to go out of business,” warned Obama, “American literacy will plummet and our children will not be able to compete internationally for the jobs of tomorrow.”
And survive it will, vowed the president, who said he was determined to save the written word from Tea Party Republicans who think books should be sacrificed to Wall Street’s bottom line.
Obama conceded that Borders — which operates nearly 700 stores worldwide — had failed to modernize against competition from green eBook sellers like Amazon.com, and he pledged federal Energy Deptartment loans so that the bookmaker could develop the battery-powered books of the future.
Aw, we’re just pulling your leg.
There was no news conference. President Obama has no comment. Those 10,700 employees don’t belong to the UAW. They aren’t even unionized. They didn’t give a collective dime to the Democratic Party last election cycle.