After 18 months of steady, paternal leadership by the grandfatherly war hero George W. Bush, America was ready for the infusion of youthful energy and out-and-out sex appeal that President Cheney represented. Taking the reins of power with his glamorous wife Lynne by his side, the new president stirred a nation with his fiery eloquence, calling upon all Americans to embrace "the next couple of hours" as a time when the "torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans born in the middle or, actually, a little bit before the middle of the last century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter personal trainer who's really putting me through my paces weight-loss-wise." Americans responded to the handsome new president's call to duty by joining the Peace Corps in record numbers. Those Americans were, specifically, Bob and Marge Fletcher of Roselle, New Jersey. "We just got out of college and we thought it would be cool to join the Peace Corps," they said. "Actually, we sent in the forms a couple of months ago, but we got the call about an hour into President Cheney's term." The Cheney presidency was marked by the heady interaction of Washington and Hollywood. The dreamy new president was seen in Vegas, palling around with the swinging superstars Wilfred Brimley, Charles Durning, and Dick Van Patten. The tuxedoed, boozy entertainers (dubbed "The Fat Pack" by an adoring press) knocked back Lime Rickeys with the dashing new president at the exclusive show-business haunt "The Undisclosed Location." Challenging all Americans to embrace physical fitness, the boyish new president brought renewed energy to the White House lawn, engaging in bracing games of touch Pinochle with other strapping young members of the Cheney Clan. All Americans were inspired by President Cheney's call to put a "man on the moon by the end of the decade." However, it was later revealed that the President had his mouth full at the time and what he actually said was; "man, I love these moon pies" referring to the yummy chocolate-covered graham cracker and marshmallow sandwich that has delighted Americans for generations. When his stylish wife Lynne publicly chastised the hunky new president for breaking his diet by eating the moon pies, the electrifying Cheney charmed everyone by quipping; "I am the man who brought Lynne Cheney to Paris." The chic First Lady famously responded; "Oh knock it off Dick, you didn't bring me to Paris and you're not supposed to be eating those damn moon pies!" The fashionable new First Lady took America on a historic televised tour of the White House. With a camera crew chasing her, she raced from one room to another of the historic mansion. "Come on, we've got to move fast that Propofol should be wearing off any minute now." Alas, the chic and stylish and glamorous and fashionable First Lady's words were tragically prophetic. The Propofol did indeed wear off, and the all too brief fairy-tale presidency of Dick Cheney came to an abrupt end. But for a generation of Americans it will always be remembered as a golden, shimmering, shiny, all-too-brief, exciting time, an almost mythical utopia like a Lerner and Lowe musical. Only a lot shorter. Comedian Dave Konig starred on Broadway in Grease! and won a New York Emmy as the co-host of Subway Q&A. He just completed his first novel Good Luck Mr. Gorsky. |
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http://www.nationalreview.com/comment/comment-konig070102.asp
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