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September 27, 2002, 9:00 a.m. Ben Stein, Hollywood Rebel? Get this man a show!. By Michael Long

ontrary to what it seems, actors don't say much of anything controversial. Already you're thinking that's not true — Tim Robbins rips on the U.S. government, Rosie O'Donnell thinks gun owners are apes, and Pamela Anderson thinks stripping naked for animal rights actually draws attention to the animals.

Here's your problem: You don't know the definition of "controversy" — at least not the one that matters.

While the rest of us imagine controversial acts to be flag desecration, public lewdness, and saying something bad about the new preacher, Hollywood's idea of controversy is daring to agree with the mainstream. For every vaguely religious Signs or patriotic We Were Soldiers, there are dozens more entertainments working the other side of the street: think of the Clinton apologetics of The Contender, the America-bashing of Born on the Fourth of July, or the Christian-smearing in the current The Good Girl.

Look around. The real Hollywood rebel is the only unabashed Republican out there, uber-nerd Ben Stein.

Resolved: If Hollywood wants a real rebel, Stein is the man, because he rebels against Hollywood's biggest causes. Stein's résumé begins with speechwriting in the Nixon White House, followed by a stint on the editorial staff of this "establishment" newspaper. For years he has written a monthly diary for the mega-conservative American Spectator magazine, and has done investigative writing for business-bastion Barron's. When he's not acting or writing, he's teaching business ethics at church-supported Pepperdine University, and delivering speeches gratis around the country for pro-life causes. (Even his pedigree is nerd-intellectual-conservative. His father was the late Herb Stein, the chairman of the Council of Economic Advisers under Presidents Nixon and Ford, and his mother was a conservative intellectual as well.)

As an actor, Stein is best known for one of his first movie roles, that of the monotone teacher in John Hughes's Ferris Bueller's Day Off — his monotone calling of the classroom roll ("Bueller? Bueller?") is one of the most famous scenes in American movies. Since then, he's appeared in hit films such as Soapdish, Honeymoon in Vegas, The Mask, and Dave; he's been the pitch man for Clear Eyes and E-Trade, and he is a regular on NBC's Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn.

His game show on Comedy Central, Win Ben Stein's Money, is a pop-culture phenomenon about to start its seventh season, and after this batch of episodes is played out, all that's left are reruns. Let's hope he finds a new place in movies and TV, not only because he is clever and makes us laugh, but also because conservatives need every high-profile pop-culture personality we can get.

In Hollywood, there are conservatives who are screenwriters, executives, producers, or agents, but not many. Even fewer admit it, and none of them appear on-screen. Stein is perhaps the highest-profile personality in entertainment to speak out on the right to life, to assert that free enterprise is a great thing, to tell people they should be proud to have George W. Bush as our leader, and to offer Alex Baldwin and Barbara Streisand his personal help to pack if they want to leave the country because Bush won.

With Win Ben Stein's Money riding off into the TV sunset, the otherwise multiloquent Stein will be a little less visible for a while. Not that he ought to have a show simply because he's a conservative — though that would be fine, too. He ought to have a show 1) because he puts on a pretty cool show and 2) in the name of the liberals' holiest grail, diversity. Sure, you've got your Queer As Folk on Showtime, showcasing the lives of gay minorities, but where do conservatives go for a little reinforcement via family sitcom or gritty cop drama? Bill O'Reilly isn't exactly Sinbad in a suit and tie, and Sean Hannity isn't out there doing droll comebacks to send that punching bag Alan Colmes into convulsions of laughter. Besides, these shows are on Fox News Channel — a fine place, but isn't the goal of diversity to head off such ghetto-ization? Someone call the EEOC.

Stein is developing a talk show with Warner Brothers Telepictures. A talk show hosted by the king of drollery sounds like fun — and it looks like Bill Clinton is not going to be the new Arsenio of that world, anyway. But if it doesn't work out, something ought to, darn it. Hollywood needs its only real rebel — even if he just happens to be its lone, loquacious conservative.

— Michael Long is an NRO contributor and a director of the White House Writers Group.