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August 9, 2002, 9:00 a.m. Sex in the City of God A couple make the case for contraception-free marriage. And, no, they’re not Catholic.

ne morning in my freshman biology class, the professor was scheduled to talk about something or other regarding the human reproductive system. His usually dull monotone was gone; he was animated, even making cracks about his large numbers of siblings. (If you're Catholic, you've probably heard them: "What do you call a family that uses natural family planning? Parents.") His parents, you see, were very Catholic, he told us. They used the "rhythm method."

That class was at the Catholic University of America, which happens to be the only school chartered by the U.S. Catholic bishops. For many of the students in that lecture hall, that morning could have been their one and only shot at hearing a good word or two about natural family planning (NFP)-or at least to hear it outright and not needlessly bashed. But in a scene that often plays itself out inside Catholic-school classrooms, even in marriage-preparation classes, legitimate reasons for not using birth control were taken about as seriously as they might be on a late-night comedy show. Increasingly, Catholic couples looking to receive easily accessible Catholic instruction on birth control find themselves out of luck.

So where should a young couple wanting to know, practically and theologically, what the Catholic Church has to say about natural family planning go these days?

To a Protestant couple.

In particular, they should look for Sam and Bethany Torode.

The Torodes are the authors of a new book, Open Embrace: A Protestant Couple Rethinks Contraception.

The Torodes take the Word literally when it comes to the meaning of marriage: Remember, for instance, this: "God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it" (Genesis 1:27-28). And this: "He answered and said, 'Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate'" (Matthew 19: 4-6).

Artificial contraception, the Torodes say, puts up a barrier that doesn't belong in a Christian marriage.

The Torodes write that "Respect for the one-flesh mystery of marriage gives us serious qualms about the use of contraception. To invoke St. Paul's analogy, would Christ ever withhold any part of himself from the Church, or sterilize his love?" As they understand it, "anything less than a true one-flesh union fails to represent the completely self-giving love of Christ for the Church. This is why we believe that when a husband and wife have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, it's better to abstain for a time than to diminish the meaning and mystery of sex."

The premise of their book, that artificial contraception has no place in a Christian marriage, is an admittedly Catholic one. (And one that is not particularly popular in some Catholic circles, never mind Protestant ones.) What they refer to as "evangelical sex guides" heartily embrace the contraceptive culture. It doesn't fly with the Torodes. And they have some words of caution for fellow pro-life evangelicals, most of whom routinely use contraception, many, they say, without giving it much thought. Like the current pope has written extensively, the Torodes believe that contraception is not consistent with a "culture of life." But they believe that most pro-lifers haven't even thought through it. Both the Bible and Catholic thinkers, the Torodes contend, have much to teach couples about married life and, well, life — whether they're Catholic or not.

Giving up contraception goes against everything our culture tells us about sex and marriage, and sometimes Christians have a hard time thinking outside of the surrounding culture's assumptions. As G. K. Chesterton once quipped, "I suppose that even Jonah, once he was swallowed, could not see the whale."

Evangelicals are known for engaging the culture. Contemporary Christian music, for example, often mimics the sound of "secular" music while adding Christian lyrics, as though the music conveys no message of its own. Problems arise when we begin engaging the culture and end up marrying it.

Our culture tells us that sex is really about pleasure, not spousal unity and procreation. Thus, in order to stay culturally relevant, many Christians stress that it was God who designed sex to yield pleasure. From this legitimate starting point, however, some Christians end up elevating pleasure above the procreative and unitive aspects of sex. In so doing, they unconsciously buy into our culture's hedonistic pursuit of pleasure as an end in itself. That sounds strong, but check out the shelves of most Protestant bookstores-you'll find books on sexual technique that rival the pages of Cosmopolitan.

The Torodes' take is not necessarily a growing trend in evangelical circles, but it's a voice loud enough to get the attention of the country's largest evangelical publication, Christianity Today. And it's not the first time that they have published an anti-contraception point of view. Editor David Neff says that it's "a persistent minority view and one that has a strong internal coherence. It is a viewpoint that I believe needs to be represented from time to time in CT just to keep people aware that this is a plausible option."

Furthermore, Neff points out, it is a viewpoint that many young Christians who have chosen contraception do not want to hear. Of course, it's also one not a lot of Catholics want to hear, either.

But it's one that many couples who have tried it back religiously. And not just for religious reasons. This book, while coming from an unabashedly Christian couple, is written with tenderness and sound reasoning, and will appeal to any couple interested in learning more about why NFP is a valid alternative. The Torodes argue that not putting up barriers in a marriage is at the very essence of the marital union, allowing for the oneness that all married couples seek. Couples in recent years who have "gone natural" speak of its myriad pluses-more intimacy (think about it, the husband has to know his wife's cycles), no pills to screw up her cycle, to mention just a few.

Sam and Bethany quote a marriage counselor, Gregory Popcak, who thinks NPF can be a marriage saver. He's not the only one, either. Popcak says,

It has been my experience that couples who use NFP are actually challenged to work harder on having good marriages. They are challenged to communicate better, to overcome their personal weaknesses more willingly and generously, and they are forced to nurture their friendship more because they can't just "throw sex" at their problems. By way of example, I have witnessed hundreds of non-NFP couples who couldn't communicate their way out of a paper bag, who had lost common interests over the years, who did not really like each other and were often outright abusive in their treatment of one another, but then were completely surprised when their partner wanted a divorce. "I thought everything was great! After all, we had sex almost every day!"

The book is about much more than the contraception question though. Bethany makes a beautiful argument in favor of stay-at-home motherhood, and other choices the Torodes believe are keys to successful matrimony.

The Torodes' arguments are not going to be embraced by all their readers, but they do invite everyone into their home to share what they've learned. They write in a touching, faith-filled, loving way about the essence of marriage. It's a slim volume that's a perfect engagement gift, regardless of religion. (If you were in that Catholic U. class that morning, though, especially if you're Catholic.)

Sam and Bethany (26 and 21), by the way, are proud parents of son Gideon and have another blessing on the way.

Click here to read more from the Torodes. (An NRO Q&A)